Reaching Out

Note: I sent this letter in February 2026 to a select group of friends who I could trust, as an update to what had been going on in our lives--it was easier than reaching out to each individual. 

So much has happened over the past year I felt it was best to send an update letter—I know a typed letter seems impersonal, but we have so much going on that it is the best I can do!  Some of you know our situation, but if you do not, I will briefly recap the past two years. 

There we were, living the dream of a retired couple, planning getaways  in a new-to-us fifth wheel RV, hanging out with our two dogs, gardening, going to church, and enjoying visits from and to our kids and grandkids—well my two daughters, anyway. Alex’s daughter, Nicole, is shunning us again, and has ceased all communication with us since July 2023. Nothing really new there, as she has done this before, one time for 10 years, so we really have no good relationship with her or with Alex’s grandchildren, as we did not even meet them until they were 9 and 8. Regardless, we focus our grandparent attention on Mandy’s three lovely girls (Lydia, 16, Molly, 13, and Isabella almost 12), and Becky’s miracle daughter, Sophie, now 10. My brother David, age 74, is intellectually and developmentally disabled; with me as his guardian since 2018, finally has a almost permanent home in North Carolina.

Like I said, there we were, with Mandy and her family serving as missionaries in SE Asia, Becky and Sophie in Gulfport, MS, while Ben was on a remote assignment in eastern Oregon (no base—in the eastern forest of Oregon), and us, well, loving life. House paid for, nice little cars, enjoying our savings from years of work and military service. Thought we had it all together, all planned out, until we didn’t. Mandy and family had to move for the third time in 3 years, and Ben, well, he was only 16 months away retirement eligibility when he did something I can only characterize as stupid, and he got caught, court-martialed and sentenced to a year in the brig, loss of rank, and a huge fine. There went their income, their pension, health care, everything, and their marriage, not in great shape before he went to Oregon, is teetering on the precipice. Becky was in shock, dismayed, angry, and every other emotion, but she still had to raise Sophie and pretend everything was hunky dory. 

So, we did what a lot of other grandparents do—we bought a small house five minutes from Becky, and pitched in financially, emotionally, spiritually, with Alex doing all those things dads do: car repair, tires, fixing bikes, home maintenance, walking dogs, etc. Me? At first I tried to control the situation, but of course we never have control…only God controls it all, so I gave it all to Him…again and again and again. We went to the court-martial last May, then found the house in Gulfport, and have been bouncing back and forth like ping pong balls since then—heck I never know what time zone I am in! But through it all we are learning even more to depend on God’s free grace, and to cherish the time we have with Becky and Sophie, and soon the time we will have with Ben. We enrolled Sophie in a private school, help out with their bills and expenses and errands, and provide both of them a sense of constancy and stability that only family led by God can provide. 

No, I am not bragging about how great we have handled it all, because it has been a mess…a blessed mess, but a mess still the same. I have meltdowns occasionally now, whereas initially my meltdowns and “why me???” episodes were almost daily. We spent Christmas in North Carolina with both daughters and their families (minus Ben, of course)—Brian and Mandy surprised us all by returning stateside for a short sabbatical in late November; they return to Asia on April 1 (there has to be some sort of humor there…) Ben just got released three months early from the brig, and is currently stationed in Jacksonville, Florida, at the Naval Air Station there, pending appellate review and service characterization board. 

Alex has become quite addicted to pickleball, making me a pickleball widow. I am waiting for my right knee replacement to heal completely before I attempt to join him. (Knee replacement was in August 2025). We have made this cute little house a home, with Becky’s and a new friend’s help, and have found a temporary church home while here. Most critical, for me anyway, was being able to find a place to conduct dyslexia tutoring like I had been doing up in North Carolina. Oh how I missed it! For months I contacted everyone I could think of here on the gulf coast of Mississippi, but could not make any headway. Finally, heartbroken and fed up I posted my feelings and frustration on social media; the result was over 200 comments and replies, including over 20 who wanted my help! Without the foundation Wendi Adair and Rosman Elementary provided me three years ago, I would not have been able to do what I am doing now: tutoring four emerging readers, all ages 7-8, twice a week at our local library. 

My heart is full. Right now my husband and granddaughter are in the living room watching Pink Panther cartoons. My dogs are asleep next to me, and we have more than we could ever have hoped for. Becky is a lot less angry, Mandy and her family are going to be here in MS to visit tomorrow, and we are amazed by God’s goodness and how HIS timing is always perfect. Many have asked what our plans are, if we will move to MS permanently, or sell our home in NC, or move back to the log home…there is no answer to that, at least none I have heard. We really miss Destiny Church and watch Pastor Dema online quite often, but it is not the same as being there. 

Please pray for:

• the Stock family’s safe return to Asia and for their girls to be accepted at the International School there
• Ben and Becky to heal their spirits and their marriage, and to be yoked together in Christ 
• Sophie to have less anxiety and to not worry about losing her dad
• Alex and me to be quiet and open to God’s guidance
• My brother David to continue to be happy and at home where we placed him last April
• For the wisdom and knowledge to help the kids I tutor
• For all of us to glorify God in all we do
• For my sanity and for patience—not something I have a lot of

I would love to hear from you, either a note, a letter, a text, a quick phone call. It would make my day and give me a lift. I will, Lord willing, be in North Carolina for our 10th annual Strikeout Childhood Cancer bowling tournament, which is scheduled for May 28 in Hendersonville, NC.