Getting old is not easy. I thought it’d be a good idea to go to Washington DC with Alex because he’d never seen the sights. So I booked flights and a hotel and ambitiously attacked the touring of Smithsonian museums and national parks, memorials, and yes, the metro. In July. While smoke from Canada’s forest fires hung over the capital like thick smog, temperatures in the 90s, cement and blacktop radiating even more heat as we walked. And walked. And walked.
It was wonderful. We saw a lot, some of it new to me even. Walked around scaffolding and fencing erected for the upcoming Grand Prix races towards the end of August; races will take place around the National Mall. I’m proud of my country and I’m proud to have served her while I was in my prime. My prime, I’m afraid, is long gone. I can no longer walk blocks and blocks in the heat without stopping for breaks, and at times, without crying tears of frustration. Everything hurts. My ankles, shins, back, everything is screaming at me. I’m so angry at my body for failing me. I want to quit it all.
Alex doesn’t understand. He’s 10 years younger and a man. He plays sports and has muscles I don’t have. Worse yet? For 37’ years I’ve not only kept up with him, I’ve kept him going, urged him on. I’ve outpaced him. I do the organizing, pet sitters, itineraries, and answers all those questions about where everything is. He doesn’t understand why suddenly I’ve hit a wall. He thinks I should keep going like him. And he doesn’t get it that I cannot. He sees me but does not see me. I’ve put up a facade for so long, pretending I’m okay, that when I do complain or collapse, he acts as if I do it purposely to hurt him.
I’m not sure about the future of traveling with him, or traveling at all. There are so many places I want to see. So many people I need to help. Why, God, why does my body have to betray me now? Why won’t my digestive tract work? I can’t ingest the right vitamins and nutrients so my body fights me. And I’m oh so tired. I could sleep for days. But then I realize how much time I’m wasting by sleeping. Time is a fickle friend...it goes so slowly when you are young, but speeds up exponentially with each passing decade. Slow down...
