Life is a series of stages, each one building on the other and, ideally, we are wiser as we leave one stage and enter a new one. Infancy, childhood, adolescence, young adult, married without kids, married with kids, working, retired, grandparents, elderly...all the stages meld seamlessly, effortlessly, and nearly imperceptibly into each other. During each stage we think we know what to expect in the next stage, but many times we are so entangled and busy in one stage, we don't even notice as we move from one to the next. Perspective is different as well; in infancy and childhood we are all about self, the here and now, immediate gratification. Then comes adolescence, a time of yearning for something more, a time of inward and outward rebellion, of straining forward to reach adulthood. No longer focused on the present, and with little to no regard for the past, we propel ourselves quickly through our teenage years, eager to get our independence, excited to break the bonds of authority. As we careen, sometimes carelessly, into young adulthood, we are breathless and excited and curious and full of hope for the future. We think we've got the bull by the horns, that we are actually driving our own car through life, making our own decisions, master of our fate. Ahh, but then the reality of being responsible for others, to others, with others, hits us like a freight train. Whether we are married or single, parents or not, we are ultimately responsible somewhere for or to someone--a boss, coworkers, children, spouse, friends. With this truth staring us in the face, we hunker down at the grindstone--working, parenting, chasing that dream, that fulfillment, that excitement we dreamed about in our teens. We think we are immortal, that life is, whether good, bad, or indifferent, a never-ending journey. We don't really think about the future (except to maybe collect stuff), and we are so busy we barely have time to sleep let alone reminisce about the past. We grow older, retire from our jobs, our kids leave and pursue their own dreams, and voila! We are suddenly thrust into that future that only yesterday was nebulous and unachievable. Let's face it: we are past middle-aged (unless the human lifespan somehow magically changes to 125 years), and we are a bit nonplussed, to say the least. We have more time on our hands, which is good because we tire easier, and the only thing that gets thinner each year is our patience. At first we think, great! We are retired! Now the fun begins! We can do what we want, when we want to, with whom we want to. But then, as it always does, life happens. People we love are aging at what seems to us an alarming rate, becoming more frail, needing more help, and suddenly we feel ourselves willing them to live longer, to not grow old, to not, gulp, die. Because that forces us to face our death, our mortality, our inevitable passing into the final stage of life--death. Now we are throwing ourselves into the moment, the present, and reflecting more and more on the past, and trying not to focus (too much anyway) on the future. We become more spiritual, less self-centered. We look back on the stages we have passed through, shaking our heads at how silly and myopic we were "back then." And we finally get it...this is life. This is what it is all about. Of all the stages I have been in, this is the hardest, the most fulfilling, the most joyful, peaceful, stressful, and wonderful time. I simultaneously love this stage of life and hate it--I love who I am, what I have accomplished, and how I have persevered, but I hate losing friends and family. In the past three years, I have learned more about life and God and myself and how those things are all intertwined, than in the 60 years previous. So while this is the hardest time of my life, and there are things right now that truly don't seem fair, that make my heart ache and wake me in the middle of the night with a fright, I am so happy I am here. Love in the past and present and future. Birth and death, growth and loss, making the most of relationships with those we love, letting go of the people, places, and things that do not bring us joy and glorify our Creator. And focusing on that final stage. When we will be made perfect in Him. Forever.
