When I was 20, 30, 40, heck even 50 years old, aging was something far off in the distance, and I did not really think much about it. I'd hear people over 65 complaining, talking about their ailments, and telling me things like "getting old is not for sissies!" I thought they were just over-exaggerating everything.
Then I turned 65. I felt like the same me on the inside; in fact, I felt the same as I did when I was in my 30s (but smarter and a little slower). In my head, I still look like the same person, but then I look in the mirror and I wonder (sometimes out loud) "who is that old lady in there? Where did those wrinkles come from? What in the world are those brown spots on my face?" I mean, I'm not vain, and I know our bodies have an expiration date; we wear out. But for the love of Mike, I did not count on it happening so soon! Someone should give us (especially women) a handbook, much like the "You're a Young Lady Now" book our moms gave us when we hit puberty; it could be called "What to (not) look forward to after your 50s.
My oldest daughter has asked me the same question every year for the past 5 or 6 years: "Mom, what do you wish you'd have known when you were my age?" I never have to struggle to come up with an answer. So, for those of you who do not know what I am talking about, here is a list to prepare you for your golden years.
Things I didn't count on when I got older:
Your hamstrings and quadriceps no longer have any useful function. We all hate doing burpees and squats, so these are the exercises we cheat on. As in "yeah I really did 25 burpees!" when we really only did six. You will regret slacking on those the first time you try to get up from a sitting position on the floor, or when you can't get out of the bathtub without doing a downward dog. You know those handles next to the toilets in hospital and doctor's office bathrooms? You will appreciate these. A lot.
Your skin becomes very, very ugly. I used to think getting wrinkles was the only thing I had to worry about in my later years. Think again; wrinkles are the least of your issues. Age spots pop up everywhere overnight--on your face, hands, legs, toes, ears, chest...you name it, every body part will get these weird darker pigmented blotches, and no amount of makeup or concealer is going to hide them. Well, you try valiantly to cover them, desperately changing foundation brands and shades, to no avail. Those "skin lightening" creams? Forget it. It's a scam. And all those wrinkle treatments? Save your money for something useful. The worst surprise so far? Your skin is paper thin, dry, and your blood vessels are thinner and weaker as well, so the slightest bump and whatever body part you hit, if you're lucky, immediately turns purple with a bruise that lasts for weeks. If you aren't lucky, you get skin tears-- since your skin is tissue paper thin, bump your hand or arm or calf and the skin flaps open. We kept running out of bandaids (and they rip my skin too), so I just ordered a box of 100 Tegaderm.
You will fall--accept it. You will be walking across a parking lot and when you reach the sidewalk you step up, and the next thing you know you are flat on your face. Your feet do not like you anymore. Or you are walking down steps and for some reason only known to God your foot slips out from under you and you are on your butt. Remember that part about thin skin and bruising? Yeah, you will look like the losing end of a bar fight.
You get short arm disease. Remember when your dad would hold something away from him and try to read the print on a medicine bottle? Trust me, your arms are not long enough. First you will be in denial and buy those "readers" at the dollar store, but eventually, yes you will need bifocals. If you don't like those lined glasses, be prepared to spend over $400 for progressive lenses. Oh and in a few years after that you will need cataract surgery anyway.
You will say "huh?" and "what" a lot. Unless you are Superman, your hearing will get bad enough to require you to wear hearing aids, and boy, are they expensive. And Medicare does not cover them. These aren't your grandmother's hearing either--you know, the yellowish box she had on a lanyard around her neck? These are high tech and nearly invisible, they do not require constant battery changes, and they have bluetooth--they really do work wonders. The downside? Wearing them in busy loud places is torture, and those tiny little rubber domes come off sometimes and get stuck in your ear canal. But, the cool part is I can listen to music or podcasts or GPS directions in my ear, and block out annoying people or husbands.
Closed captions become your best friend. Watching any movie where the actors have ANY accent necessitates captions, and it has nothing to do with hearing loss. It has to do with your brain getting old. The worst accent? British. (Sorry Liz)
You become anxious driving in new places. GPS is your second best friend (but also can leave you hanging if there isn't good service.) Your mind can no longer process directions like it used to, so getting lost is not hard. You don't even have to have Alzheimer's. Again, aging brain. Luckily, my husband is 10 years younger so I can count on him for at least 5 more years.
You will get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. This is not limited to men. Some nights you will get up two or three times. Clear the path of all obstacles, and make sure your husband never leaves the seat up.
Your adult children will patronize you. Yes I know it is because they love me. But seriously, I get sort of tired of all the questions and warnings, "Mom, are you sure you're up to a walk?", or "That box is too heavy for you", or "Mom, are you OK?" every time you bump a toe or drop something or start bleeding all over from a skin tear. I would say get thicker skin for all these comments, but that ship sailed a long time ago.
I haven't even covered aching joints, arthritis, greying hair, and acid reflux, because those are a given. I expected those. There are benefits, though...senior discounts at restaurants, amusement parks, movie theaters, concerts, you name it! The best part? You don't even have to prove you are a senior citizen. They believe you! You can sleep longer. You can take naps without being judged. And usually, if they were raised right, people actually listen to you. (Unless they are older than you).
Seriously though, approach aging with grace and kindess and patience. Lots and lots of patience, for those around you and for yourself. You are not obsolete. God has a purpose for you no matter what your age.
It's just hard to remember what it is. :-)
"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:4
