Psalm 33--Relying on the Lord

When I returned from Afghanistan,  I watched Lydia for a week while my daughter and her husband went on a missionary trip; my daughter and I had a rough visit.  Those of you who have daughters will understand.  Right after that I herniated a disc in my back and started a long, painful journey with the VA on fixing me.  In July, we went to Alex's cousin's wedding (in Seville, Spain), even though by this time I was in a deep depression and really did not want to do anything or see anyone. While in Spain I started having more problems--more mysterious pain, confusion, and overwhelming sadness. So, in the fall of 2011, I took a 6-week unpaid leave of absence. Spent one week in Ft Myers Beach with my husband, one week at my daughter's house in Atlanta, and then left to spend the rest of the time alone at our log home in the mountains in North Carolina.  It was there that I reconnected with God, and was refilled with the Holy Spirit.  I spent time alone, time with my friend and neighbor, Marianna, learning more about God and how He works through His Holy Spirit.  Read a book by Ruth Paxson that I have YET to be able to find a copy of (Marianna won't part with hers).  Prayed every morning before I got out of bed, walked a lot, and began to paint, stain, and decorate our future retirement home.  In the middle of one of my manic painting sessions (I think I was painting the laundry room), I distinctly felt God tell me "Psalm 33."  So, I wrote "33" in paint on the wall so I wouldn't forget, and here's a clue as to how stubborn and impatient I am, how attached I am to doing things my way, depending on myself--I actually finished up that roller pan full of paint, and THEN sat down and read Psalm 33.  Sort of like saying, "hey God just one sec, okay?  I gotta finish this wall here."  I did start off well though... I knew what the Lord had in mind for me...to be a respectful, submissive wife; to grow in faith; and to retire from work I no longer enjoyed and work that no longer was in line with my values.  Seemed easy enough at the time...well, the retiring was easy.  But the other parts?  Submissive wife?  Staying plugged in to God?  Denying my old self?  Funny thing happens when I think I have all the answers.  I forget the question.  In the second part of Psalm 33, David says even kings and armies are nothing without God, that we are to constantly rest and rejoice in God.  At all times.  Other things on which I rely, especially my own "intelligence," are false hopes.

"We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you."

Depressed, in chronic, constant pain, repentant, with a renewed love of God.  It was going to be so easy...ha ha ha