My relationship with my mother has been rocky, with lots of ups and downs, and there have been periods of time, some of them extended, during which we barely communicated. I would bemoan to anyone listening how bad I had it, listing all my mom's faults and missteps, perceived or real, and recanting her "horrible" outbursts and bad parenting. Yet I have probably spent the majority of my adult life trying to "earn" the love and respect of my parents, especially that of my mom. I even signed on to move to another state to "help take care of her" (unasked), and proceeded to try to dictate every aspect of her life I thought needed improving. And when I was ultimately rebuffed (less than 2 years later), I sulked and appointed myself the martyr, the misunderstood, the unappreciated selfless daughter. I prayed for a healing to our relationship, but most of all for a healing of her spirit, because of course, my intentions were blameless and pure. She wronged me after all, right?
Only within the past year have I realized, through God's grace, I needed the healing of my spirit. God answered my prayers for my mom by giving me new eyes with which to see her, a renewed love for her, and a compassion for what she is suffering now. No, she is not perfect (as none of us are!), but she is caring, concerned, and loving--qualities I rarely before ascribed to her. I actually enjoy talking to her on the phone, and want to drive to visit her, and help her when she asks me. I see her the way God sees her...an imperfect human being, made in His image, and worthy of love. I find joy in honoring her, and find beautiful the scripture verse: "Honor thy father and mother, that thy days may be long on the land which thy Lord God giveth thee." Funny how people, elderly moms included, respond to care and attention given with RIGHT motives, and how God uses us to work miracles and answer our prayers. His own way. His own time.
His own time. I am not going to second guess His timing by feeling guilty for not coming to this realization sooner, or by dredging up all my misbehaviors and misguided actions. I have asked forgiveness and received it. However, I am going to prayerfully go to Him daily for the strength, wisdom, and courage to do what He would have me do for others, but especially for my mom. The woman who gave me life, and who has given me a new outlook on life.Being a daughter is such a privilege. I don't want to blow it.
My mom is alone now, a widow, and while she has medical needs, and is nearing 90 years old, she still has most of her mental faculties and sharpness and can pretty much take care of herself. She drives, pays her bills, buys groceries, and prepares meals. She needs to find someplace to live she can afford, and income-assisted housing for seniors is nearly nonexistent. So I am helping as much as I can, trying to allow my mom to retain her dignity and as much of her independence as she is able, researching options and talking things over with her. Respecting her wishes, and listening to her fears. Stepping in to help when asked, not pushing. Sometimes just being there, but acutely aware that one day she may need me to be there always, to take the reins.
Then to keep me from getting too full of myself in my role as caring daughter of an elderly mom, today God sent a young lady and her grandmother into the little store where I volunteer a few hours each week. The grandmother was shopping for some second-hand furniture for her new apartment, an income assisted apartment. Her granddaughter, who looked to be maybe 19 or 20, is going to college here and was helping her grandma shop, and they were conferring with each other on every item. "This sofa will fit, right?" and "I think that little end table is perfect" Then I overheard the grandmother ask her granddaughter, "Are you bringing your bed from home?, and it hit me. This sweet young girl was moving in with her grandma to help take care of her. I hugged her and she looked at me sheepishly, with an expression that seemed to say "doesn't everyone?" Brought tears to my eyes. And awareness to my heart. Thanks, Lord.
