When I was younger, I used to think, “what if the person I was talking to on the phone could actually SEE my face, SEE and HEAR what I was doing and wearing, how awful would THAT be?!” Because, back then, phone calls were expensive, infrequent, and sometimes, obligatory connections to relatives we rarely saw or people who we would rather not see. The other person would see me roll my eyes, or stick my tongue out, or notice I had just put the phone down on the counter and walked into another room while he/she rambled on…the sanctity and security of having a phone call while still doing something more important would be jeopardized if the other party could see me. As long as I was just a disconnected voice on the other end, I could fake sickness/another call/the baby crying/the dog throwing up, and get out of phone calls. Ah, but that would also hold true for the OTHER end…how would I know he/she was really wanting to talk to me? I had to listen to tone shifts, discern moods by what and how something was said, picture a loved one’s smile in my mind. Yes, phone calls were simultaneously less complicated and more obtuse. We had to depend on actually spending time with one another, in person, to see the new haircut, marvel at how big children had grown, figure out if everything really WAS okay. Seeing someone’s face while hundreds (or thousands) of miles away seemed like science fiction.
Facetime….before the information age, before computers and before everyone who could breathe had a smart phone, FaceTime was actually two words, neither of which was capitalized or associated with any application. It was a way of saying you spent time with someone, face-to-face, looking that person in the eyes, talking, conversing (no, not “conversating”—that was not a word then either). Face time could be genuine, sincere, and quality time with family, especially with our children (if we worked all day), or it could also be construed to mean just showing up and showing your face to give the impression you actually cared. Nowadays, though, it is a different animal. FaceTime is a gerund and a verb, as well as a noun and an app (short for application, for those of you not yet familiar with smart phone jargon). FaceTime is also my lifeline with my children and grandchildren who live far away, and the preferred method of communication between my grandchildren and me. The photo above could actually be a photo of the 5 year old, Molly, who, for the past two months, has called me nearly every night (and sometimes several times each night), because she misses her Nana. Between 9:30 and 11:00 pm every night, I get an incoming call, and within a few seconds of answering, I see that little blonde forehead pop up, and see those big blue eyes….she almost always has to keep adjusting the phone so I can see her entire face, but even seeing part of her face is a joy. We chat, she asks about my day, then I read her a book (or two, or three), and then I have to “show” her, in no certain order, the dogs, Pop Pop, any care packages I am sending, a photo of Sophie, the room she will sleep in when she visits, the progress of the playhouse Pop Pop is building, and her clothes I have waiting for them. Usually, her two sisters get in on the call eventually—Lydia, age 7 1/2, likes to act silly and look at her image in the screen on her end, to ensure she still looks cute (she is at that age). Isabella, or Isa, as we call her, is 3 going on 4, and normally just pops her head into the camera range to show me a big smile and sing a silly ditty she made up. In the background are sounds of their parents talking to visitors, doing dishes, answering the door, and taking whoever isn’t on camera to the bathroom. In reality, I really do not get to see much of their actual faces, but oh, those few minutes I do see their faces make my night.
The other sets of grandchildren—Raina, 10, and Darren, 8, in Florida, and Sophie, 20 months, in Missouri, have lots of face time with me as well, but via FaceBook messenger video chat. The two oldest ones, Raina and Darren, are enamored with Snapchat, another smart phone app for use with the phone’s camera to add special “effects” to ones video or photo images. Masks, lightning bolts, fire shooting from your mouth, stars, ears coming out of your head…yeah, the elementary school age kiddos love it. Me? I would rather see their faces, and hear their voices…either way, though, we love to chat. Sophie, of course, does not really chat with me….her mama does. And I very rarely see her face when we videochat, because she is constantly in motion, or sitting facing away from me reading her books. But still, these phone calls/video calls are priceless. They are how I stay connected, see how the kids are growing, how their parents are doing…hard to fib to your mom that “everything is fine” when she can see the worry on your face! And, while I am not sure if the video chats or FaceTime actually leave a lasting impression on little brains, or help toddlers remember who I am when I can only physically see them every few months, I like to think they look forward to seeing my face as I much as I do theirs. Even if it is only a forehead, or the back of a head, or a blur running past the screen.
Yes, being there is so much better.
But when I cannot be there, I won’t send flowers….
I’ll “see them” on my phone!
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