On apologies and forgiveness

Forgiveness.  One of the basic tenets of the Christian faith.  Love one another.  Forgive one another.  Repent for your sins.  You'd think most Christians would be experts at forgiveness by now, that we would breeze right through this and move on to something a little more difficult.  Maybe that is because we confuse empty apologies with real repentance.  So, what is forgiveness?   And why do I fret so much over whether or not someone accepts my forgiveness or forgives me?  Why is forgiveness from a person (which is temporary and capricious and conditional) more important to me than the totally undeserved and no strings attached, unconditional forgiveness from God?  Do I really need forgiveness for perceived slights or bygone hurts from someone who couldn’t care less if I accept it?  More than I absolutely depend on God’s gracious blanket pardon of sins past, present and future?   And do I really mean it (and I mean REALLY) when I pronounce I am here to glorify God?  Or am I just jumping up and down flapping my arms and hollering “hey!  Over here!  look at me!   I forgive you! “

And then there is the incessant need to apologize, to say "Sorry" as a prelude to rationalizing bad behavior, being late for an appointment, for losing my temper, for, well, everything.  It's one of the first concepts children have drummed into them--to say "I'm sorry" when they do something wrong.  Instead of teaching them to admit their mistake, and to actually seek forgiveness from mom, dad, baby sister, teacher, or the dog, we shake our fingers at them and demand them to "tell Daddy you are sorry for spilling your milk," and "tell the dog you're sorry for stepping on her tail" or "Apologize this instant for hitting your brother."  We   confuse the two actions--apologizing (passive placating) and asking forgiveness (actively taking accountability for wrongdoing), and most of the things we apologize for are not even intentional acts of omission or commission, but accidents.  So, kids grow up thinking two things--that they are responsible for everything, and conversely, as long as they say "sorry," they are responsible for nothing.  Forgiveness is not even sought--the mumbled "sorry" covers all wrongs, and the other party (who may or may not have been actually wronged) doesn't have to do anything--hearing the "sorry" implies absolution.

Over the past few years I have learned a lot about myself, my tendencies, and my weaknesses, and I have come face-to-face with the specter of meaningless apologizing, with being the perpetual victim that being continually sorry for everything entails.  And I have realized, quite painfully and regretfully, that the majority of the instances I apologize for, I am either not responsible for, or, more likely than not, that I am intentionally sinning.  Yes, sinning, folks...not just "messing up" or "screwing up" or "forgetting". I have wronged someone, and thereby have wronged God, and by not actively seeking forgiveness, I have disqualified myself from worshiping Him.   In that act,  by not ASKING for and actively SEEKING forgiveness, I also have shot myself in the foot and have made myself incapable of receiving true forgiveness.  From the other person.  And more importantly, from the Holy One, the creator of the universe.  Just because God's forgiveness is a given, through the action of Jesus dying on the cross, does in no way mean we should not repent.  

And I am not talking about reconciliation, either.  At least not human reconciliation.  Asking forgiveness and being genuinely repentant for our actions towards or against another person does not guarantee that person will accept our request and actually grant forgiveness.  If that person is a Christian, then hopefully someone in their church circle will step up and start the process referenced in Matthew 18.  But if that person refuses to grant forgiveness, or will not ask for forgiveness, then it is that person who is disobeying God.  As Paul says in Romans 12:18, "if possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.’"  If possible, he says. Meaning, it is a 50-50 deal, and if I have in good faith repented and asked forgiveness, then my role is finished.   The rest is up to the other person. Now as for repenting and asking for God's forgiveness,  that, my friends, is a "whole nuther ball of wax" as my daddy used to say.  We are commanded to repent, compelled to repent for our sins, because the mere presence of God's spirit in my soul pricks me and forces me to see the ugliness of my sin, and I ask God's forgiveness and He grants it. Absolutely. Immediately.  This is not a 50-50 deal...more like an all or nothing situation.   And that is where I lose sleep.  And obsess. Confusing one with the other.  And, stupidly and blindly missing out on the greatest gift of all time.  

But, not for long.  Because that still voice in me urges me, no forces me, to admit my sin, repent, and then throw that sin away.  And eventually, to forget it.  

As for my obsessive need for closure and acceptance and repentance and forgiveness from my fellow humans?  I am sill dealing with that, but knowing the enemy is half the battle--I see you, oh victim mentality, and I know who you are!  I know your tricks, and your games, and your whiny, whimpering self-deprecation, and you are not who I am.  I am His, and He is in me, and His grace covers a multitude of sins.  

Ameri-Christianity?

In C. S. Lewis’s Screwtape Letters, the demon Screwtape advises his protege and nephew Wormwood to convince his human target that politics are a key part of his faith. “Then let him, under the influence of partisan spirit, come to regard it as the most important part,” Screwtape said. That way, faith would become a mere pretext for politics.  Such is the atmosphere we live in right now...faith has become a pretext for politics, regardless of your faith of choice.  Institutional evangelicalism has spread like wildfire all the way to the White House, accomplishing, in my humble opinion, the exact opposite of the desired effect. One has to look no farther than the President's newly appointed personal pastor, Paula White, a populist televangelist from Florida, to see that.  And she is not the only evangelical preacher who has diluted (polluted?) the gospel message; nor is the Republican party the only one to marry faith to politics when courting voters. Both Sen Cory Booker and Mayor Pete Buttigieg have hired "faith advisors" for their campaigns.  In 2016, I was frustrated by the dichotomy of the two candidates and their respective parties, and how little either of them espoused my values. (see Election Year Dilemma)

So there is little wonder that I am confused and disillusioned in regards to my role as a Christian in the political process and my role as an American citizen.  And have been getting progressively more so over the past five years.  Evangelical leaders, political action groups thinly veiled as spiritual advisors, televangelists, and the like have succeeded in thrusting Christ to the forefront of the political melee, while simultaneously reflecting an image so unlike Christ it astounds me.  Moral majority, conservatives, the religious right, and ultra-conservative groups have somehow convinced media and the voting public that they speak for all of Christendom, that a vote for their candidates is a vote for God.  Democrat=Bad; Republican=Good. Liberals are equated with the anti-fa movement,  atheists and communists, and pictured as wild-eyed, nation-hating, illogical and over-emotional fanatics, while conservatives are promoted as Godly believers in all things good and true, as patriots, and as all-around great folks of strong moral fiber.  Racial profiling, gender profiling, age profiling—all of that has taken a back seat to political profiling.  Are you right or are you left?  Red or blue?  Pro-Trump or Never-Trumper?  We check out the FaceBook profiles of our friends and would-be friends and distant family to take an unofficial census of who is on our side, who is of the same political bent.  Age, race, faith, marital status—none of that matters as much as whether or not they will agree with, like, and support our political rants on social media.  

And I am as guilty of this prejudging as anyone else.  This truly pains me because I know I am missing out on meeting and getting to know many wonderful people, and vice versa.  I have been pigeonholed, stereotyped, sorted, filed and assigned roles, personality, characteristics, beliefs and values that do not even remotely resemble who I am.  If I comment on something a friend or a group posts, people who have never met me either applaud my sentiment and then send me a friend request, or they call me names, attack my character, and hurl keyboard obscenity after obscenity.  Even folks I have known for years, worked with, laughed with, and cried with, seem to want to assign me to a specific group.  And not just on FaceBook either!  I could be at the brewery, or a restaurant, or at a social gathering, and if I mention God, or Christ, the person I am talking to will either slap my shoulder and say, “Amen Sister!” or look uncomfortable and change the subject.  I am either in or I am out.  Our country has fractured into tribes, where groupthink is the overarching and overriding method for solving (avoiding) conflict, making (avoiding) decisions, and facilitating (avoiding) discussion of controversial issues.  Groupthink is NOT a good thing, folks.  It is lazy, and dangerous, and downright stupid, really.  Creativity and rational decision making and logic are thrown out the window all for the sake of cohesiveness and getting along.  And it is not only rampant on social media—actually, on media in general and in particular.  So what has happened to us as a society—the United States, that is--that has caused such a splinter in our national identity?  And don’t blame it on this President or past Presidents, or any elected official, although it sure is convenient and easy to absolve ourselves of all wrongdoing and make a scapegoat of one or two people.  The rapid expansion of technology into every facet of life, coupled with the ever-increasing popularity of social media, has contributed to making us a society of faceless critics, where we hide behind the security of our keyboards and screens and profile images to say things we would almost certainly NEVER say on the phone, in a letter, or at a public setting, let alone face-to-face.  The anonymity provided by our obsession with a screen, touchpad, and the ease of texting has lulled us into a false sense of self-importance, where we can say what we want when we want and to whomever we want, as long as we add a funny or cute little emoji to soften the blow.

But I digress.  Back to the issue of what I like to call Ameri-Christianity, where Christian tenets have become so distorted  and intertwined  with politics that it no longer reflects Biblical principles.  Pastors tell us how to vote, weaving current political issues and Supreme Court decisions into their weekly sermons; parking lots are filled with cars adorned with identical bumper stickers, making it easy to identify the political bent of the congregation.  (Sadly, these also dissuade newcomers, and send a message of “conform to this or don’t come in.”)  We have lived here for over 10 years, the last 5 of it full-time, and we have attended, joined, or contemplated joining seven different churches.  Not because we are unsure of our beliefs, or we had some epiphany on a certain scriptural issue, but because we discovered, either in the first couple visits or a longer period, that we did not fit in.  We are not cookie-cutter Christians.  God does not only bless America.  And He certainly does not interfere with our electoral process.  Yes, our faith and our beliefs should guide how we live, how we act, the decisions we make, big and small…including how we vote.  Just not the other way around.  

See, Jesus is neither a Republican or a Democrat—he is not a patriot.  He is not an American citizen, or one of the founding fathers of our great nation.  And while I am a citizen of this country, and of the world, more importantly, I am first and foremost a citizen of the kingdom of God.  And it is to that kingdom that I will always pledge my fealty.  

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. (Philippians 3:20-21)