Thursday, November 5, 2020

Pinning my hopes

 



Election day: an event holding huge promise for everyone, not just the candidates, an event on which many pinned hopes. Hope that the election results would bring answers and resolution to all our fears: the pandemic, healthcare, the future of our country, riots, unrest, and economic insecurity. Hope that we could once again be one nation, under God, indivisible. Hope that we could return to a time when civil discussions were the norm. Hope for a political and ethical reset. Hope for affirmation of our ideals. Hope for a return to patriotism and respect and kindness and civility. And I secretly hoped for my side to win to achieve some sort of narrative closure and a reaffirmation of the basic good and decency of the American people.  I had not just pinned my hopes on the wrong thing--I had wrong hope, and had placed my trust in princes.

Like many of you, I expected, no prayed, for this election to NOT be a close call, but instead to unify us towards a common goal. But why would I, like my fellow voters, expect, or even hope, that the election would reflect anything other than the stark, irreconcilable differences touted on Facebook, Twitter, CNN, Fox, church pulpits, street protests, and even dinner table conversations? Because I was placing my confidence in earthly systems, and counting on a flawed process to bring America to its knees, to acknowledge that, as a nation, we have abandoned our Christian values and are blatantly ignoring God's law. Ashamedly, I secretly hoped for a landslide to crush the opposition and show them, once and for all, who is boss. So here we are, 48 hours after the last polling station closed, and not just me, not just the country, but the world waits with bated breath on the outcome of this election, as if the outcome will make all our dreams (or nightmares) come true. I hate this waiting, the not knowing, and worst of all, I am mad that things are not going to go my way; even now, it is taking a Herculean effort to NOT turn on the news or go to my browser to ascertain if Arizona has declared a winner or if the Congress' balance of power has shifted right or left. And this scene is being repeated millions of times across the country, with folks stressing out over whether their ballot had all the right answers, thereby validating their choices, their values, and their beliefs; some are even already protesting when there is nothing to protest. 

On Tuesday night, when it became painfully obvious the election results not only mirrored, but reinforced the division of our country, I noticed my chest was tight, I was irritable, anxious, and wanted above all else to escape from everything related to election results and partisanship. This distressed me emotionally and spiritually, and I struggled to squelch the anxiety and refocus on God and Scripture, so I began to dissect those feelings and thoughts to try to make sense of them. I turned to Scripture and Christian resources, and began to work through it, as uncomfortable and distressing as these feelings can be. I was anxious—election anxiety.

Anxiety, regardless of the genesis of it, is inordinately hard, because anxiety triggers the fight or flight reflex, and the overwhelming desire to master the situation, conquer the anxiety, and above all, be in control. Being a Christian does not preclude the presence of anxiety; sometimes suffering anxiety as a Christian causes even MORE anxiety, because we wrongly interpret God's word on the subject. Casting all our cares on Him, or not being anxious about anything, does not mean we will never be anxious.  We will be anxious, simply because we are humans; in the Psalms, David asked God numerous times to help him with his anxiety and cares (Psalms 13, 23, 30, 91 and 139, to name just a few). Like David, we can cast those fears and anxieties and misgivings on the Lord, and He will help us walk through them. Hopefully, with God's help, I will reflect to others that we trust in God’s sovereignty.

Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man in whom there is not salvation. When his breath departs, he returns to the earth, on that very day his plans perish. (Psalm 146, 3-4)

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