Death Knell of a Friendship

When I was seven years old we lived in my nana's house on a little street in a nice neighborhood where there were lots of families with children and we'd play outside with each other; my best friend lived next door--Tina Tenunfeld. We played dolls, walked to school together, and swore we would be friends forever. That was 1962. We moved the following year and I haven't seen her since.

Starting in fourth grade, I attended St Clare elementary school for the next five years, then McAuley High School for freshman and sophomore years and was friends with four other girls for those years; we hung out at each other's homes, were in Girl Scouts together, passed notes at school when the nuns were not looking, and went downtown to go shopping on weekends. We were convinced we would get married and have kids, live on the same street, and grow old together. That was 1970. Never saw those girls again.

In 1971, I changed schools in the middle of my junior year in high school because I moved in with my dad and stepmom--that was rough because the school was huge, with over 1,000 kids in the graduating class. I got on the school bus on my first day, and sat in an empty seat by a window. At the next stop, a girl with long, dark red hair got on, laughing and talking to everyone else on the bus; she sat down next to me and introduced herself. "Hi, I'm Jenny!" That was the introduction to a beautiful friendship--we were inseparable! I was maid of honor in her wedding (to which I was over an hour late!), and we were such good friends she refused to start her wedding until I got there, breathless and crying. We still send each other Christmas cards, connect occasionally on FaceBook, but other than that, nothing. The last time I saw Jenny was probably 25-30 years ago. We were "best friends."

Through the years, I have met thousands of people, become acquaintances with many, friends with some. Friends have come, friends have gone, but few have remained through the years. Some have simply moved away or grown apart, with only 3 or 4 leaving as a result of a disagreement or misunderstanding. But most? Well they simply outlived the friendship due to not having anything in common. Right now I probably have less than 10 really good friends--people with whom our friendship is an easy, fluid thing. We understand each other, celebrate each other's joys and cry together over loss. We laugh, joke, pray, and honestly would do anything for the other. I cherish these friends and the relationships we have. At my age, great friends are worth their weight in gold.

Sometimes, however, someone who seems to be a friend, maybe even a "best" friend, is not what they seem, or our lives bifurcate so abruptly that the friendship becomes strained. Communication that was once easy and effortless becomes less frequent and mundane. Phone calls and video chats are replaced with text messages and tags on FaceBook posts, and this person you thought was your BFF turns out to be someone with whom you have nothing whatsoever in common, nothing but having known each other for two decades or more. But you hang on, resuscitating it, even shocking it with the defribbilator paddles every so often, in a futile attempt to keep it alive. Finally, however, you realize there is nothing more to be done. There is no cure, no magic elixir, no miracle that can revive this "friendship." And you look back. And realize you wanted a best friend so badly that you yoked yourself to a person with whom you had nothing in common. Sure you had fun, you loved each other's company, but in the end, you were both so diametrically different, so toxic to each other, it was a wonder it lasted as long as it did. 

The older I get, the more I realize what a true friend should be. A true friend shares commonalities; in my case, we must share a love for Christ.

"Know this: In the last days perilous times will come. Men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, slanderers, unrestrained, fierce, despisers of those who are good, traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God, having a form of godliness, but denying its power. Turn away from such people." (2 Timothy 3:1-5)

"Cast out the scorner, and contention will go out; yes, strife and reproach will cease." (Proverbs 22:10)

"Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man you will not go, lest you learn his ways and get a snare to your soul." (Proverbs 22:24-25)