Veggie Tales Nana

Just finished Facetiming with my daughter, Mandy, and granddaughters Lydia, Molly, and Isabella.  Lydia, 5, and Molly,3, wanted to sing a new song for me  Love it, of course.  Mandy gave me a little background, explaining how Lydia and Molly learned a new song, called Barbara Manatee.  Well, Mandy proceeded to tell the girls "you know whose name really is Barbara?  Your nana!" Without skipping a beat, Lydia starts singing, "Barbara Nanatee..."  Hilarious.   

Evidently, I am a famous Veggie Tales character.  

Miracles

I believe in miracles... not luck or happenstance, or even coincidence. But true, honest to goodness miracles. Brought about by prayers and the faith of a secret prayer warrior, perhaps even someone I have never met. In the past two months, I have personally experienced two miracles. Events with no other explanation other than God answering prayer and holding me in His loving Hands.

First, my youngest daughter, Becky, announced she is pregnant, expecting our next grandchild in February. Notwithstanding that conception is a miracle by itself....this news was even more awe-inspiring because Becky had leukemia at the age of 12--and her little body was exposed to 3 years of chemotherapy and radiation. And by all rights, her reproductive system was probably too scarred to conceive. Yet, the child God gave me, is now carrying her first child.

Then, last week I was driving to an appointment in Asheville, it was raining, I had a migraine, and traffic was horrible.  No, I was not texting, on the phone, or otherwise distracted. I changed lanes to the left, but didn't see the vehicle in my blind spot.  He swerved, but I felt the impact as our vehicles side-swiped each other...my driver's side to his passenger front door.  Shaking, I pulled into the next available parking lot, he followed, and we both got out of our cars--me apologizing and crying, and him looking frustrated and irritated, even though we were thankful we avoided oncoming traffic. We then each looked at our cars...not a single scratch.  Not even a brush, a chip, rubbed area on tires...nothing. There was no damage. We were incredulous. We both kept saying "I felt the impact." No damage, no accident, nothing. We hugged, in the rain, thanking Jesus out loud. Then we both went about our day, continuing our normal daily lives, but we were both forever changed by this brief event.

How many times do I tell someone I will keep them in my prayers, but I only give it a lukewarm effort? How often do I forget to follow through with my prayers until weeks later when I see that person again? And yes, I know God hears them regardless of how imperfect my prayers. He knows the needs, the desires, I get that. 

But, what if my one imperfect prayer could result in a miracle?

Thank you, secret prayer warriors.

Thank you God

We serve an awesome God!

At the center of it all?

Little kingdoms, big kingdoms   Is Christ at the center of all?  Why do we do the things we do?  Why do we help who we help?  Are my prayers right focused?  How can I, with my human heart and my human tendency toward sin hope to keep myself focused on Christ?  Centered on Christ?  How do I block out that human tendency, that human-ness.  My relationships are flawed.  My thinking is flawed.  My intentions are flawed.  Heck, even my prayers are flawed.  Because I am flawed.

It is so hard to stay focused, to push away the selfishness that is me.  To differentiate between what I think is living for Christ, and what is REALLY living for Christ.  I judge others, am alternately too hard or too lenient on my own behavior and intentions, and I really feel I just am not doing enough to further His kingdom and His wishes on this earth.

Prayers are needed...much.

Humbled and awed

My relationship with my mother has been rocky, with lots of ups and downs, and there have been periods of time, some of them extended, during which we barely communicated. I would bemoan to anyone listening how bad I had it, listing all my mom's faults and missteps, perceived or real, and recanting her "horrible" outbursts and bad parenting. Yet I have probably spent the majority of my adult life trying to "earn" the love and respect of my parents, especially that of my mom. I even signed on to move to another state to "help take care of her" (unasked), and proceeded to try to dictate every aspect of her life I thought needed improving.  And when I was ultimately rebuffed (less than 2 years later), I sulked and appointed myself the martyr, the misunderstood, the unappreciated selfless daughter. I prayed for a healing to our relationship, but most of all for a healing of her spirit, because of course, my intentions were blameless and pure. She wronged me after all, right?

Only within the past year have I realized, through God's grace, I needed the healing of my spirit. God answered my prayers for my mom by giving me new eyes with which to see her, a renewed love for her, and a compassion for what she is suffering now.  No, she is not perfect (as none of us are!), but she is caring, concerned, and loving--qualities I rarely before ascribed to her. I actually enjoy talking to her on the phone, and want to drive to visit her, and help her when she asks me. I see her the way God sees her...an imperfect human being, made in His image, and worthy of love. I find joy in honoring her, and find beautiful the scripture verse: "Honor thy father and mother, that thy days may be long on the land which thy Lord God giveth thee." Funny how people, elderly moms included, respond to care and attention given with RIGHT motives, and how God uses us to work miracles and answer our prayers. His own way. His own time. 

His own time. I am not going to second guess His timing by feeling guilty for not coming to this realization sooner, or by dredging up all my misbehaviors and misguided actions. I have asked forgiveness and received it. However,  I am going to prayerfully go to Him daily for the strength, wisdom, and courage to do what He would have me do for others, but especially for my mom. The woman who gave me life, and who has given me a new outlook on life.Being a daughter is such a privilege. I don't want to blow it. 

My mom is alone now, a widow, and while she has medical needs, and is nearing 90 years old, she still has most of her mental faculties and sharpness and can pretty much take care of herself.  She drives, pays her bills, buys groceries, and prepares meals. She needs to find someplace to live she can afford, and income-assisted housing for seniors is nearly nonexistent. So I am helping as much as I can, trying to allow my mom to retain her dignity and as much of her independence as she is able, researching options and talking things over with her. Respecting her wishes, and listening to her fears. Stepping in to help when asked, not pushing. Sometimes just being there, but acutely aware that one day she may need me to be there always, to take the reins. 

Then to keep me from getting too full of myself in my role as caring daughter of an elderly mom, today God sent a young lady and her grandmother into the little store where I volunteer a few hours each week. The grandmother was shopping for some second-hand furniture for her new apartment, an income assisted apartment. Her granddaughter, who looked to be maybe 19 or 20, is going to college here and was helping her grandma shop, and they were conferring with each other on every item.  "This sofa will fit, right?" and "I think that little end table is perfect" Then I overheard the grandmother ask her granddaughter, "Are you bringing your bed from home?, and it hit me. This sweet young girl was moving in with her grandma to help take care of her. I hugged her and she looked at me sheepishly, with an expression that seemed to say "doesn't everyone?" Brought tears to my eyes.  And awareness to my heart.  Thanks, Lord. 

quest for more review

Yep, still reading about the perennial struggle between our little kingdom of self and God's big (true) kingdom--what I initially thought was one chapter on the subject turned out to be three.  At first, I'm thinking "enough already, Tripp!  Quit beating a dead horse!"  But the more I read on, the more it hit home.  Sure, I'm a Christian, saved by the grace of God by Jesus' death on the cross.  Sure, I know I don't deserve it, didn't earn it, and know I cannot lose it.   But am I communicating this in my life, in my daily interactions with even my husband and my family?  Or am I caught up in self?  When I tell folks I will pray for them, or ask for their prayers, is it really for God's glory or to put the focus on me?  When I tell someone of an answered prayer, where is my focus?  And what if the answer is not one I prefer?

The FINAL QUESTION:  In my everyday life, where am I telling myself I am living for God when I am really living for myself?

Less than 48 hours ago I had a fight with my husband, and while it was not one-sided, I nursed my anger and hurt for 24 hours.  That is little kingdom living, and drives home that point...

A quest for more--A review

I received a copy of Paul David Tripp's book "A Quest for More" for Mother's Day--at first blush not exactly a Mother's Day kind of gift.  But Mandy recommended it and I decided to give it a try.  As I finish each chapter, I will attempt to answer the chapter final question honestly.  Pray for me!!

Finished chapter 1. Thought provoking question:

What is the big thing I am living for right now?

 I am not really sure.   I mean part of me says I am just living to die in God's time.  To get through each day and not be sad. To try to not be overwhelmed by every day occurrences or problems like broken refrigerators.  I'd like to help young moms or unwed pregnant girls.  To make friends in our new home town who actually want to spend time w me.  Would love to have a noble grandiose thing to live for but I just don't know how.  Mostly I just think of answering "I live for my family...because I love them with an intensity hard to describe. "

Wonder what chapter 2 has in store?

Settling for less?  Chapter 2 begins by explaining how sin causes us to look for more but settle for less, and delves into how human beings (ummm...me!) are willing to trade paradise and the transcendent glory that is God for everyday fillers.  Items like family, power, security, health, etc., all of which are important but they only offer fleeting satisfaction.   See we were created to glorify our creator.  So we are not complete unless we do just that.  Chapter 2's final question:

WHAT IS THE LESS THAT TENDS TO CAPTURE YOUR ATTENTION?

Wow...gulp.  Self pity.  My pain level.  Being right.  Getting things done.   Sometimes I am so willing to just settle for being a mediocre Christian, for not putting myself out there for others.  I sometimes minimize what I ask God to do, lower my expectations.  Not expect miracles.  So yeah, I settle for a less miraculous God.

What a perfect segue into the next chapter, which starts off asking...

Have you ever wanted to be God?

Let's start out with the final question at the end of chapter 3:

HAVE YOU TREATED THE SIZE OF GOD'S GRACE AS IF IT WERE NO BIGGER THAN THE SIZE OF YOUR PERSONAL CONCERNS?

I've touched on that already, the tendency to place limits on God's grace and greatness.  THIS goes even deeper though, and struck a small nerve.  I do tend to act as if the grace God has bestowed on me is just enough for (and specifically intended for) my little problems.  Grace to cover my sins, my weaknesses, and my trials.  Grace to bless only me and my small circle of family and friends.  In truth, God's grace is as vast as creation itself, and intended for all of Hos creation.  We did not earn it--it simply is.  And to minimize and downplay the extent of what His grace can cover cheapens God Himself and makes light of what God can do.

We all do this...when asked how we are doing we say "blessed" meaning, usually, the "good" things we have received.  I very seldom enumerate HOW I am blessed, and I never used to talk about my trials and hardships as a blessing.    When in fact everything in a Christian's life is a blessing, regardless of our perspective. When we pray we tend to ask God to be the Mr Fix-it in our screwed up lives.  To jump in and attend to our concerns.  Instead, I should be asking for guidance in my part in this huge creation, and praying for matters outside of my own personal sphere.  Sure I would love to resolve conflict in my family relationships, to have health and security, to not be depressed or sick. But I trivialize God our Creator when I treat God as my own personal magic genii or Santa Claus.

Hmmm...am I trying to build my own kingdom??? Instead of seeking for my role in God's kingdom?

I have spent three weeks contemplating the meaning of this chapter...and its overarching question--what anxiety based needs and earth based treasures shape my focus ?  What kingdom do I fight to maintain?  Self, money, relationships, pride?   The answer is not pretty nor flattering.  I worry about being right or being liked.  I spend more time promoting my views than those of God's big kingdom.  Not always, but a lot.  And it's humbling.  I have set myself up as ruler of my own kingdom instead of a servant of Jesus' eternal kingdom.

Makes me think a lot.  I must tear down my kingdom and give it all to Him.  

No place like home...

Last year Alex retired and we finally (FINALLY) moved to our beautiful home in Pisgah Forest, North Carolina. However, we were so busy with 90th birthday parties, new granddaughters being born, visiting with family, and just moving in we did not really get to enjoy it much. Then, we drove our RV to Florida in October, and lived in central Florida for the next 5 months (two adults and three dogs in 400 sq feet...yikes!), and in February we did some globetrotting--Belgium, India (of course), Crete, and Germany. When we got back to the good old USA, we left for our first cross country RV trip.

Living in an RV full time is definitely not my thing, but traveling cross country was sure fun....and we saw so much of God's beautiful creation, rekindled old friendships, recemented family ties, and had a great time. In actual numbers, here is how we spent our spring:

- Six weeks

- 6049 miles

- Fifteen states

- 135 new birds to add to my "Big Year"

- One indoor skydiving

- Two broken RV windshields

- One inoperative microwave

- Ten crockpot dinners

- Four nights of dry camping (no power, water, or sewage hookups)

- 26 friends and family members visited

- One scare with the Lexus not starting

- Countless county, state, and national parks visited

- Over 400 photos

And through it all, holding us all together in His divine providence and grace...

ONE AMAZING GOD!