come to grips - to deal with (a problem or a subject); to handle, manage, care, deal - be in charge of, act on, or dispose of
A week ago the doctors at the Oaks put in a referral for my mom to get some inpatient treatment at Park Ridge Geropsychiatric Unit. Today she was transferred there. While I know it is necessary, and that they are probably the only ones who can help her adjust to living out the rest of her days in a nursing home, I have ambivalent feelings all jumbled up in my head. Guilt. Validation. Betrayal. Sadness. Relief. Uncertainty. Anticipation. Fear.
This has become even clearer to me as I read John Piper's The Dangerous Duty of Delight. (I started out reading Piper's Desiring God, but my son-in-law wisely suggested I read the smaller book first...good advice!) "Funny" how reading these books just "happened" to coincide with caregiving decisions for my mom, with my internal emotional struggle with those decisions.
A week ago the doctors at the Oaks put in a referral for my mom to get some inpatient treatment at Park Ridge Geropsychiatric Unit. Today she was transferred there. While I know it is necessary, and that they are probably the only ones who can help her adjust to living out the rest of her days in a nursing home, I have ambivalent feelings all jumbled up in my head. Guilt. Validation. Betrayal. Sadness. Relief. Uncertainty. Anticipation. Fear.
I am coming to grips with having a mom who has mental health challenges AND dementia AND physical problems. Coming to grips with not apologizing for admitting these facts to myself and others; with being the one who has to make unpopular and unsavory decisions; with not being able to discuss mom's care with my sisters; with having to put on a front when I talk to or visit mom.
Yes, I handle, manage, care, deal, am in charge of, act on, and dispose of. And strangely, I enjoy doing it. I delight in this duty of honoring my parent. I have no delusions that she will be cured, or fixed, or pain free, or even happy. She will be angry with me, and my sisters will accuse me of exaggerating, controlling, fabricating, and manipulating. I do know, though, that she will be safe and cared for and this new phase will help the caregiving team understand her needs, and deal with her behavior. It is not easy. Or fun. But I enjoy this duty. I actually delight in this duty. I can, as James, brother of Jesus, said: "Count it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, when you meet trials of various kinds." (James 1:2). And the more I love, the more I pursue the JOY of fulfilling God's purpose in my life.
This has become even clearer to me as I read John Piper's The Dangerous Duty of Delight. (I started out reading Piper's Desiring God, but my son-in-law wisely suggested I read the smaller book first...good advice!) "Funny" how reading these books just "happened" to coincide with caregiving decisions for my mom, with my internal emotional struggle with those decisions.
Such a journey I am on. Such an opportunity to grow and glorify God and pursue him in joy. For, as Piper puts it, "Love is the overflow and expansion of joy in God, which gladly meets the need of others."
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