Friendship

When I was a little girl, I had very few friends, and over the years, although I've met many, many people, that still rings true. I have gained friends and lost friends, and both experiences are completely beyond my comprehension; many people whom I considered as friends turned out to not be friends at all. I don't say that to garner sympathy, but to emphasize that true friends are rare, and, as Robert Louis Stevenson said, a friend is a gift we give ourselves.  

The meaning of friendship has cheapened over the past decade, thanks largely to our addiction to social media sites like FaceBook, Twitter, and Instagram. A friend used to be someone with whom you had a close bond, not sexual, not family, but someone with whom you share a mutual attraction. Friends share secrets, jokes, a past--a true friend knows you better than you know yourself. Songs have been written about friends, a TV show made six young people famous overnight, and adages abound regarding friends.  "A friend in need is a friend indeed." (old English proverb); "Make new friends, keep the old, one is silver and the other gold." (old Girl Scout song); "What a friend we have in Jesus!" (Joseph Scriven,) "Oooh, you're making me live, you're my best friend!" (Freddie Mercury), "A sweet friendship refreshes the soul." (Proverbs 27:9), "A single soul dwelling in two bodies" (Aristotle).

Nowadays, a "friend" is just a face on a website, a name, a tally on a list.  This friend could be a relative, a co-worker, an acquaintance, a friend of one of your friends, a friend's children, or a customer. More often than not, a friend could  be someone we have not even physically met.  "Friend requests" are akin to offering someone a piece of gum.  According to FaceBook, I have 301 "friends," yet many of the people I consider close friends and actually speak to on something other than a screen are not even on FaceBook, let alone on that list.  What was once just a noun has become a verb, and created new words in the urban lexicon. Someone "friends" you to be in your social circle, and "unfriending" has become the internet equivalent of a cold shoulder, a schoolyard spat, or "talk to the hand."  Want to shun someone? Take more drastic action by "blocking" him, effectively cutting that person out of your social media circle completely. So complicated, and so meaningless--we are constantly checking our friends' statuses, looking at photos, commenting on their posts, all the while not even truly engaged in communicating with each other. Heck, many times we are with OTHER friends while we rudely keep our faces buried in our phones and tablets to "talk" to our virtual, not-present friends.  

So, why the rant today? Tired of friend requests from people I barely know, or people who would rather not even speak to me. Disgusted that I actually stooped to practically begging to be "friends" with some of my relatives, even though they haven't spoken to me for years. Shocked that I had to resort to "blocking" most of my immediate family members to prevent online harassment. Hurt that there are family members who actually equate FaceBook "friendship" with a real relationship. Embarrassed that I actually gauge my likability rating in my family by who is my friend, and who is not. Sick of the overuse of words that used to mean something:  Like. Love. Friend. Sad.  Happy. Angry. Hate. 

Most of all, I am trying to reconcile my faith, my beliefs, and my love of Christ with all of this. Not all my friends are Christians, but they are still my friends. Not all my friends are on FaceBook, and not all my FaceBook friends are really my friends.  

I wish FaceBook would just use a different word than "friend." How about "face?"  Or "person of interest," or "contact,"  or "practically meaningless virtual person?"  

Just not "friend."