Why can't everyone get along? Why are there so many broken relationships? What did I do wrong? Why doesn't (fill in the blank) call/write/text/email anymore? Why am I so misunderstood? These questions and many more (more than you would ever dream of) run constantly through my head on this never-ending video loop.
Hi, my name is Barbara and I'm a fixer, a mender, a reconciler. And in Barbara-land, everyone gets along. When family and friends have falling outs, they kiss and make up within days, if not hours. Everyone respects one another, listens, is thoughtful, and kind. They understand each other. There is no drama at family reunions, and no one takes a FaceBook post personally. Friends don't outgrow one another. Life is peaceful and wonderful. Ahhhh. Bliss.
How do I reconcile all of that with reality? Here in the REAL world, my sister hasn't spoken to me in a year and I have no idea why. People who I thought were my friends dropped me over our choice of a realtor. Other friends have seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. My ex-husband refuses to acknowledge our youngest daughter, breaking her heart. And my stepdaughter hasn't spoken to me or her father in nearly 10 years, despite countless attempts to reach her, breaking our hearts. And I cannot even begin to describe the convoluted relationship with my mom.
All of these fractured and frail relationships sadden and frustrate me, and that fixer part of me tells me, "Go ahead! You can do it! Talk some sense into her!" or "Send her a text! With a smiley face!" Today's myriad communication avenues make it harder to NOT reach out (i.e. Intervene). Heck I can text, call, email, FaceBook, Twitter, FaceTime, or Skype--in addition to writing a note or driving to their house. They can't hide!! This insistent voice on that video loop is goading me to take action and take control. I am the master of my destiny! The captain of my ship. Steer that ship! Yeah. Right into an iceberg!
It takes nearly every fiber of my being, all my pride, and surrender of my SELF to let go. To pray. And let God. To realize there will ALWAYS be brokenness and pain and discord because of our sinful natures. That some will always be broken, and we won't all love each other here on earth. Worse, that not all will come to know the peace and grace of Jesus. There is "a purpose under heaven, ... a time to rend and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak." (Eccles 3). Even in my sorrow and frustration there is a heavenly purpose. And I will trust in the Lord.
(But it's still hard--stupid video loop!)
2 comments:
This is such a thought provoking post, it gives me new food for thought. You are right, it is sometimes so hard to let go. To pray. And let God. Sometimes I don't even get it right until there is nothing left to do BUT to "Let God".
Thanks for sharing these wise words to end my night.
You are do welcome! God touched my heart and inspired my words.
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