The art of listening

"God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason." 

Or

"Listen with your ears open and your mouth shut"

I used those witticisms as a mom and as an NCO.  But how much did I really adhere to them?  Not very well, admittedly. And while I'm getting better at listening, I still have a LOT of room for improvement.  

The other day Alex and I were visiting our daughter and son in law in Georgia.   The girls were all in bed (albeit not sleeping) and we were just relaxing and chatting about things when Mandy said she had some bad news.  Another family on their team would not be able to return--their visas were rejected.  This family of six has become an integral part of our kids' and grandkids' lives over the past four years.  And now, just like that, with the stroke of a pen, these dear friends would not be rejoining them.  I listened and was truly saddened.  I know that family, and I also know how much they mean to our family.  

The next day, Mandy confided in me that, after we left that night, Brian said he'd never felt so loved by me, that I really listened.  I hadn't tried to fix things.  Or make their problem my own.  I truly listened, he said. 

At first I wasn't sure what to think, whether to be offended or pleased with myself. But, after much introspection, I understood what he meant.   Like most humans, I listen, but only half heartedly, poised to jump in with my anecdotes and my words of wisdom and my offer of help or my advice for fixing the problem.  And I would just stupidly and blindly assume others are amused with my witty observations and impressed with my sound advice. 

We have all experienced this:   Emptying our soul, pouring our heart out, sharing our joy or our sorrow or our worries, knowing the other person is only half listening, anxiously waiting to pounce on the conversation at the slightest pause.  So he can turn the attention to himself.  The "one-up."  The meaningless advice. The "you think THAT'S bad..."  As if I'm just telling you my story because I only wanted to trigger your much more interesting story.

Yikes.  Ouch.  Convicted.  How many times do I hear without listening?  Or blithely respond with frivolous answers to "solve" a friend's or family member's dilemma?   When instead I should listen, with the attitude and mind of Christ.  Not of the world.

Okay, so here's where my relationship with God comes in.  I talk to Him and read His word.  Not as often as I should.  But more than I used to.  I just assume He is listening.  He knows what I mean.  He cares.  But is it a one sided conversation? Do I stop yakking long enough to actually hear His still small voice?  Am I so busy trying to fix my own problems and toot my own horn to let the Creator of the universe show me the way? 

Lord, help me listen to others the way you listen to me.