A season...as in a time characterized by a particular circumstance or set of circumstances. Yeah, I'll say.
I started this blog back in December as an emotional outlet, a way to let off steam, to document, and therefore possibly make sense of, all the crises we have been experiencing over the past year as caregivers for aging and ill parents. Of all the roles we have held over the years, caregiver of our parents has been, and will remain to be, the most difficult, albeit one of the most rewarding. My father-in-law, Bud, with advanced Parkinson's disease, my adorable mother-in-law, Connie, suffered two heart attacks and is recovering from colon cancer surgery, and my mom moved in with us, only to have to move into a nursing home as her condition deteriorated. It has been one crisis after another over the past eight months, with little to no respite for either me or my husband. We have had to make snap decisions, usually without our other half, and nearly always on less than enough sleep. But we have plodded through it all whilst still enjoying time with our children and their families, visits with friends, and much-needed emotional and spiritual support from our children, our friends and our church family.
It has been an interesting season. And now, that season is over, and we are embarking on a new season. Bud and Connie transitioned from several hospitalizations, to rehab centers, to assisted living, spending months apart. Now they are together, at least in the same building. Bud is being transferred to hospice on the memory care unit, where he will spend the rest of his days. Connie is moving to a smaller apartment down the hall from her husband of 52 years, where she will live until Bud passes away. Mom moved to Tennessee three days ago with my sister, where she will stay until she runs away again. More or less, everyone is fairly stable at the moment. After months of living on an emotional roller coaster, we can finally loosen our white knuckled grip and exhale.
Part of me wants to hold on to the old season; I've grown accustomed to it. I feel as if I have not finished with it yet. My head is filled with "what ifs" and "if onlys" and "yeah, buts." I stubbornly and arrogantly think I know what God's will is for me, for the situation, for that season. The interim guardianship motion denied, my estranged family becomes more distant, and I feel as if I have failed, that I did not "do" enough. But that is merely my pride. Father (God) does know best. He brought me to that season, through the season, and now I must move on.
A new season--full of promise and surprises. I've no idea what this season holds. But I know that God knows, and that he created this season for me, and me for this season. I will obey. I will learn. I will glorify Him in enjoying this next, and every, season.
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