Rewind

Since I recently wrote a blog entry titled "Fast Forward " I thought it only fitting to pen an entry going in the opposite direction...

I'm on a plane headed back home. My husband is most likely on the couch with a heating pad on his back, a TV remote in his hand, and a MacBook on his lap.  He'll be leaving soon to drive to Greenville to pick me up at the airport, and Lord willing we will be on our way home around midnight.  I'm missing my hubby, my dogs, my church, and my friends, but am understandably less excited about sorting through ten days worth of mail and cleaning up after three dogs and a class c bachelor. But, it's home and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Rewind to less than 12 hours ago, and I'm waking up to this little chipmunk cheeked cherub cooing and gurgling her good morning song. She greets me with the most beautiful smile and flaps her arms happily.  After a quick diaper change and a nice warm bottle, she nestles onto my chest, sucking on her fingers, and peacefully falls back to sleep. For one blissful hour I am spellbound by her scent, the sound of her breathing, and the feel of her soft warm hand clutching my shirt.  And although my back and my hip are stiff and screaming at me to move, I sit still, lest I wake this sleeping angel.  And I wouldn't wish it any other way. 

Rewind to ten days ago, and I'm standing at baggage claim at the Springfield-Branson MO airport, waiting for my bag. I feel my granddaughter's tiny fingers grasp my hair and hear my daughter's cute giggle as they "sneak up on grandma." Thus we embark on a whirlwind visit filled with smiles, card games, porch discussions, family meals, Sophie bath nights with her daddy, car rides, messy poops, laundry, and late night talks and early morning bottles. Watching my youngest daughter excel as a mother. Being invited in to the sacred inner sanctum of their family as they tuck Sophie in every night, Ben cuddling her gently and whispering in her ear as Becky sits cross-legged on the nursery floor softly reading "On The Night You Were Born."  Participating in the joy of their daily routine, and marveling at how wonderful they love each other. My daughter is grown, a wife and a mother, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Rewind to November 2006. I just got off the phone with Ben, who called me from California asking for our blessing for him to marry my baby. I couldn't make it out there in time, I said; I had not even met him yet. We said yes...they got married at the courthouse days before he deployed for 7 months to Afghanistan. Alex and I flew out a week later for Becky's college graduation, and we tried to keep her upbeat and busy.  Although we still hadn't met Ben, one look at Becky's face told us everything we needed to know--Becky was ecstatically, undeniably in love. A completely changed young woman from four months prior when she bemoaned she would never meet "the one." I was no longer first on her call list.  And we wouldn't have it any other way.

Rewind to December 1983. I'm at work as an USAF NCO, 47 weeks pregnant and beyond uncomfortable. I am staring at the wall clock, grasping a half eaten Clark bar, when the first sergeant walks in. He asks what I'm doing. I hold my finger up, breathing through pursed lips, and when I'm able to speak, I answer him.  Three minutes apart, I say.  Baby's finally coming, I manage to whisper.  He drives me across base, where I stop into OB GYN, get whisked up to the maternity ward, and 45 minutes later give birth to a beautiful, fat-cheeked 10 lb baby girl.  I'm in love with this precious creature and I promise her I will always be there for her.   We soon joined her big sister at home. And spent the next 20 plus years growing closer as a family, despite divorces, illnesses, moves far away from family, and cancer.  Looking back, I'd have it no other way.

Rewind to over 2000 years ago, and a young maiden has placed her newborn son in a roughly-hewn makeshift cradle in a barn. He is Emmanuel. Wonderful. Counselor.  Almighty God. Prince of Peace. His mother knows a spear will pierce his side and her heart, and by that act He will redeem all those called by God to be His children.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  

And Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, “Behold, this child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also), so that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed. Luke 2:34-35

A Day with Grandma...and Poop

Well today was a busy day for us--first I climbed on Grandma and made her laugh like Ernie. You can see that video here (Ernie giggle video)  Then I ate carrots for the first time and mommy recorded the moment.  She records every moment.  Sigh, the life of a photographer's daughter.

Anyway, after a breakfast of carrots and milk, we ran a lot of errands, which meant sitting in my car seat and listening to grandma sing silly songs while mommy kept disappearing into different places and then coming back out and driving somewhere else.  We also went to the PX, which is a big building where mommies and grandmas buy things for us babies. Then we met daddy for lunch and I pooped so he could spend time with me changing my diaper.  It was stinky.  But he doesn't care because I am so cute. 

On the way home I fell asleep in the car, and Mommy put me in my crib so I could finish my nap...I finished it in 10 minutes. Since Mommy had to take one of the doggies to the doggy doctor, Grandma watched me...and fed me carrots...and played Little Rabbit Fu Fu with my stuffed animals for me. She is so silly! She makes me laugh. When Mommy came home again, we went on another car ride, this time to buy food and more things for me (of course). I fell asleep in the car again, Mommy put me in my crib when we got home, but I woke up again--this time with a diaper full of poop for Grandma. She didn't mind, either--because I am so cute. She says I am so stinking cute, but I am not sure if that means because of my poopy or what. Oh well.  I am cute.  I will just have to live with it.  

After that poopy change, Grandma fed me carrots again, then a bottle, and then we played till Daddy got home. Daddy kept trying to come get me and hold me, but Mommy had lots of chores for him to do, so he kept going back outside.  I was a little sad, but I had Grandma to play with, so it was okay. She doesn't like it when I am sad, so she does funny things to make me laugh, and she wears shorts with long strings on them--I like them. She picks me up a lot and kisses me all the time. But finally Daddy came in and played with me, and threw me up in the air and made me laugh. And made Mommy and Grandma really nervous. 

Next they ate dinner and I sat in my high chair and drank my bottle, and made funny noises for them. After dinner, Grandma and Mommy noticed something brown on my tummy, and they were confused, because I didn't have carrots--just milk. But then they saw my diaper was broken...there was poop everywhere. Mommy had to wash my high chair real good, and Daddy had to use about 10 wipes on me and then give me a long bath. I had a lot of fun. I felt much better after that big poop. I don't think they will give me carrots three times in one day again.  


All that pooping tired me out. So I went to bed. Good night Sophie fans everywhere!  See you next time!

If I could do it all again...

The past year has been hectic, to say the least.  I know, everyone has crises and problems and stress.  I get that.  So I am not singling myself out and saying "oh woe is me."  And no, I do not think my problems are any worse than yours, nor do I feel as if I don't deserve all this crap.  I am simply trying to process through it all, to put it all down in black and white, and then get over it already.  So, without further ado, presenting the past 15 months of the Ritchey household, in no certain order:

1. Drove to Nashville 4 times and moved my mom 3 times in as many months
2. Learned how to change an ileostomy 
3. Became a full time caregiver for said mother
4. Found out I was going to be a grandma again
5. Enjoyed visits from countless out of state friends
6. Almost lost my mother in law twice to two heart attacks and colon cancer
7. Did lose Alex's father after a 16-year battle with Parkinson's disease
8. Joined a wonderful gospel-centered church and made new friends
9. Took over as caregiver for my brother for a week while Dad was sick
10. Got snowed in while I was incapacitated with a serious stomach bug
11. Reconciled with our youngest daughter after 10 years
12. Spent precious time with precious grandchildren 
13. Went to Disney World for five days with three granddaughters
14. Put our RV pad up for sale 
15. Had to replace tires on my car
16. Set up a revocable trust account
17. Had my car towed to Greenville when the water pump imploded
18. Learned how to make a ballerina bun on a 4 and 6 year old
19. Orchestrated two birthday parties and two un-birthday parties
20. Dressed up as a steampunk pirate wench for a Disney Halloween Party
21. Went to a wedding in Savannah, GA
22. Went to a funeral in Tampa, FL
23. Sadly watched my daughter and her family leave for India (again)
24. Hosted a baby shower in Missouri
25. Went to San Antonio to help my best friend after the birth of her daughter
26. Attended that same little girl's 1st birthday party 
27. Refinanced our house
28. Discovered we had a colony of over 30 flying squirrels living in our attic
29. Built a playhouse with a mountain view AND a screen door
30. Took care of mom until her doctor placed her in a nursing home
31. Got accused by sisters of not having my mom's best interest at heart
32. Went to Goettafest in Cincinnati
33. Met Sophie when she was 2 weeks old, and spent 10 wonderful days there
34. Spent too much time at hospitals and emergency rooms with sick parents
35. Fell more deeply in love with my husband
36. Called 911 for the first time
37. Joined a caregiver support group
38. Filed for guardianship
39. Withdrew the motion when my sisters finally stepped up to the plate
40. Bought a kayak we have yet to use
41. Watched my normally able-bodied husband suffer crippling gout attacks
42. Volunteered several hours a week at a local SAFE thrift store
43. Joined a gym
44. Started a blog
45. Celebrated my 61st birthday and our 25th wedding anniversary
46. Added three new birds to my life list
47. Grew closer to Jesus

And, would I do it all again?

Yes.  Lord willing

And He does

No more suffering

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”  Rev 21:4

My father-in-law suffered--melanoma, prostate cancer, broken bones, and Parkinson's disease. Yet he never complained. He lost the ability to keep his balance, to walk, to speak, and even to eat; at the end, he could barely even breathe. His muscles and his entire body betrayed him, gave up on him, yet he continued to fight to the very end. I watched as this quiet and gentle man, whom I loved and respected so much, wasted away to a cruel caricature of his former self. He took his last breath on August 29, 2016. And even though I know he is free from suffering, I selfishly want him back.   

Even though over the past three or four years, I helped him walk, fed him, prayed with him, and held his hands, I remember him most for how he helped me--with his humor, his strength, and his calmness. He was, as my husband said at the funeral, a rock. Always there to lean on. A quiet strength. Heaven is a better place with him there.  

And though I miss him terribly, I am so very grateful his suffering is over.  

And I look forward to the day when I can join him and that great cloud of witnesses    

 “O death, where is your victory?  O death, where is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 

 1 Cor:15:55-57

Forgive and forget

"bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."  Colossians 3:13

Yep.  Another one straight to the heart.  This and the accompanying commentary from my "Everday Prayers" by Scotty Smith made me squirm uncomfortably.  Like Scotty, I too have two (at least!) faces that come to mind when I reflect on who I haven't forgiven.  I cannot forgive alone.  I must give these folks over to God as well as my bitterness towards them.  And let Him soothe me. It's a daily struggle.  But He has forgiven me.  Even for things I haven't even done yet.   Prayers please to help me forgive and forget all but what Jesus did by dying for me.