Losing heart

I am beyond exhausted. Not physically--well, not most of the time, anyway. But emotionally and spiritually drained. And no, I promise I will spare you the litany of the craziness and trials and sorrows we have struggled through over the past 18 months. I just begin to feel as if "things" are getting back to some semblance of normalcy, and then, from seemingly out of nowhere, BAM!  I am knocked flat on my butt. Left shaking my head and wondering what hit me. Figuratively, of course. It is as if I am in a spiritual knock down, drag out fight, a fight that has been going on for months.  

I had all kinds of excuses and reasons for this extreme state of exhaustion. And not all are "bad" either--it has just been a very, very busy year. There is the election, and now the post-election protests; forest fires burning practically over the next mountain, and no rain; friends' legal troubles and health concerns, Alex's gout attacks, all our children and grandchildren living so far away, and on top of it all, the alarming amount of hate and animosity being spewed out at fellow human beings on something so laughingly called "social" media.   Yup, these all seemed extremely plausible to me. I am extremely comfortable to wrap myself up in the mantle of these nice, cozy, convenient excuses to be, and to remain (and complain about being) exhausted.

Yes, I have been losing heart. And I have been trying to quench my thirst with whatever I can find that's convenient, and satisfy my hunger with whatever is easiest to fix or fast to eat. As for boredom, or relaxation, heck, we have the internet, wifi, smart phones, music, volunteer work, gardening, housework, and knitting. I have essential oils and can get a pedicure and maybe even a massage, or I can go for a walk in the woods. Yeah, that will do the trick, right?

Wrong. I am losing heart because, as God gently pointed out this morning, I am trying to get refreshment from earthly sources. I am embarrassed to say there are many days I check my phone before I say good morning to the Lord, or check my FaceBook notifications before I even read one verse of Scripture, and eat breakfast before I even thank God for the day! So, is it any wonder I have run out of steam, have no energy, or am losing heart?  

Praise the Lord, though, as Paul said, "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." 2 Cor 4:16-17

Re-new. New again. Day by day. I must resolve to do better, to put aside foolish, temporary things that do not renew me or refresh me -- at least until after I say good morning to my Creator, and spend some time in His Word, to listen quietly to Him. Because I find that when I start my day like that, I am so much less exhausted, and I have so much more energy to glorify Him in all I do.

Which is the idea anyway.