Wake Up Call

It was a beautiful fall morning, and I was thoroughly enjoying the drive to an appointment in Asheville, NC; the leaves were changing, air was crisp and cool, and there was a slight drizzle that only added to the beauty of the fall colors.  I had my favorite radio station playing in the car, and, despite having a bit of a migraine, I felt okay.  It was just going to be a routine consult, a follow-up from a test I had done previously, and one more box to check before I could get a procedure done to fix some circulation issues in my leg.  Easy peezy.  I breezed into the cardiology clinic, signed in, got checked in by the nurse, and sat and waited for the doctor to call me.  I had no serious health issues--I was a fairly active, albeit overweight, healthy 63-year old woman with a zest for life, and quite a bit of life left to live.

Two hours later, I am driving back home.  The fall colors have completely faded into nondescript shades of brown and sickly yellow, and it is now a dreary, rainy, and depressing drive home.  My head is pounding, so much so I turn off the radio, and I am not feeling so great.  The "routine" consult quickly morphed into a pre-op counseling, and the leg procedure had to be put on indefinite hold.  The test results showed a possible obstruction of a coronary artery, and this, coupled with other factors, including the leg issue, put me in the "high risk" category for coronary artery disease. Suddenly, I felt scared, old, fat, and very unhealthy, and questioning whether I would even see my next birthday.  

I was wide awake.

I got home, talked to my husband, and then, before I could descend into the bottomless pit of self-pity and regret, I prayed.  And prayed.  And then prayed some more.  About rolling all our burdens onto God, the realization that there is a season for everything, that God's timing is perfect.  That my days are numbered, and only the Lord God knows where and when and how those days will end. I am the same person now that walked into the doctor's office (although I am a little more freaked out).  My blessings are many, and, while my life has challenges and trials as well as joys, God is still in control.  He knew this was coming.  He was not surprised.  He is still omnipotent and omniscient.  And, most importantly, He will be glorified by and through anything I experience.  

My reaction, though human and therefore understandable, was me stumbling over my ego, and indicative of my obsession to be in control.  And while I am still struggling to quash the fear and anxiety over next week's schedule, I am oh so thankful to be His child, and under His care.  And I wonder, like I have other times I hit speed bumps (and sometimes brick walls) along the way, how would I ever manage without the assurance of His mercy and grace?  

I am so happy I never have to find out.

Awake and grateful to be His.