No baggage....just love

Alex and I did not get to meet our oldest grandchildren until this year.  Long story, but suffice it to say, they had absolutely nothing to do with us not meeting them.  We met Darrin, our one and only grandson, who is 7, almost 8, and wise beyond his years, at my father-in-law's funeral in September.  Granted, not the best place or occasion to introduce yourselves as grandparents.  He was, understandably, a bit quiet. Then, in October, we drove down to the Florida panhandle for his big sister's 9th birthday party. Raina, as her name implies, is the queen of any situation.  And the birthday party was a big improvement over the funeral the previous month.  We got to know Darrin a little bit better, and of course saw Raina preside over her birthday celebrations. But we still did not really have a good connection.  

So, we do what all normal grandparents do...we went shopping at Gymboree and A Children's Place and bought lots of cool clothes, and we invited them all up for a long weekend at our home in North Carolina!  I have never seen my husband so freaking excited...he was actually accomplishing things on his Honey-Do list, he was so excited. He was helping me clean!  He even was showering and shaving!  Seriously, he was over the moon excited to reestablish ties with our daughter, and to get to know her children.  In our home.  

They arrived on a Friday night...super excited, super pumped about the long ride up here. They almost wouldn't go to sleep, they were so excited.  Over the next four days we crammed in so much activity I really have no idea where we got the time--hiking, driving on the Blue Ridge Parkway, more shopping, ice cream sundaes, cuddling humane society kittens, more hiking, playing with legos, countless games of WAR!, learning to play chess, making our own Christmas ornaments out of air-dry clay, making personal pan pizzas, playing with a new friend, watching all three Madagascars, cuddling on laps, entertaining neighbors and guests, hanging out at OP Taylor's (only the best toy store on the planet!), helping make the dogs their breakfast, and got lots and lots of hugs.  

And what amazed me most of all, was the way the names just rolled off their tongues, "Nana and Pappy"  They accepted us for who we are with no questions asked.  Unconditionally.  No explanations required.  No "where have you been for the past xxx years?"  Just love.  Smiles.  Pure adorable cuteness.  Too bad it only lasted for five years.

God's Perfect Timing

So much on my mind tonight.  Joy, sadness, and awe.  

Joy for the precious grandchildren God has blessed us with, most recently Raina and Darrin--my eyes fill with tears as the house is finally full of my husband's laughter and the children's giggles. We have waited for over 10 years for this moment, there were times, I confess, we thought it would never arrive, but God works on His schedule, not ours. And the joy is all the sweeter, because it happened when God designed it to happen.

Sadness and yet anticipation for the wonders God will work for so many friends and neighbors struggling with illnesses, with legal issues, with financial woes. Two friends are at the end of their earthly lives, their loved ones praying by their side, waiting for their God and savior to take them to their Home.  Another person, whom I have never met, is right now fighting death, as hundreds of prayer warriors entreat God to work one of His wondrous miracles, and to heal his cancer-ridden body. And two dear friends are facing emotionally exhausting legal battles, due to no fault of their own, and God holds them in His capable hands.  

And, awestruck by His perfect timing. For last night, as I was taking my granddaughter, Raina, to the store to buy a couple of things for dinner, a guy on a scooter ran off our country road into a ditch. I almost thought he was just going off-roading, it happened so fast; I stopped the car, and it took me almost a minute to see where he went!  Had we not been there right at that moment, he would never have been found. You couldn't even see him from the road for all the leaves and the bridge and the sharp curve. He was laying in the leaves, his leg all twisted in a weird way, and he was moaning.  I called my husband, then 911, and waited for the EMS to come by. Meanwhile, I tried to keep him warm with my Clemson fleece jacket, and keep him calm, and prayed. The rescue squads came, they got that young man out of the ditch, and Lord willing, he is doing okay 

So many "coincidences." So yes, I trust Him to work all things out to His glory. He's done pretty good so far.   😉

Equal Pay for Unequal Work

One of the mantras of the recent election campaign was "equal pay for equal work."   Hillary Clinton used her feminine gender to imply she was one such underpaid woman, and she promised she would champion the rest of the female workforce, by ensuring all women would receive the same pay as their male counterparts for the same work. Being a woman myself, I couldn't agree more (although being in the military, my pay was always based on gender neutral criteria such as time in service and time in grade...so I made the same as a male of the same rank, same time in service....but I digress).  

Segue to my reading and study yesterday...Matthew 20:20-28. The mother of the sons of Zebedee goes up to Jesus and boldly (arrogantly?) demands for her two sons to sit at Jesus' right and left in His kingdom. Of course Jesus goes on to speak about the last being first, and how He came to  serve, not be served. And of course, the disciples, as usual, just were way off base--they kept thinking Jesus was referring to some sort of earthly kingdom or takeover of Rome when he'd speak about His Father's Kingdom...so of course, they wanted to share in some of the spoils of that kingdom. There was much jockeying about for who's first, who's the favorite, teacher's pet, and all that. Fantastic lessons there--the first will be last, and the last will be first. Jesus rebukes them by telling James and John (and the rest of the disciples) that none of them  know what they are asking!  Can they drink His cup (bear His suffering?)  Yes, Lord!  Fine, He says...you will, but only the Father can grant who receives what reward in His kingdom. Powerful lessons.  But I needed more than this. So, as I often do,  I read the verses leading up to this, verses 1-16: the laborers in the vineyard. And this is where my study yesterday dovetails with the equal pay for equal work platform.  

Jesus likens the kingdom of heaven to a master of a house who goes out at various times of the day to hire laborers for his vineyard. The first time he finds laborers eagerly looking for work, and agrees to pay them a denarius for a day's work.  Then, every couple of hours after that, he goes to the marketplace and just sees people idly standing around, so he offers them work too, even though no one else would hire them. All day long, all the way up to an hour before sunset, the master goes out and hires folks to work in his vineyard. Well, when it came time to pay them, each laborer received the same pay....regardless of how long he worked. And when that caused some grumbling among the ones who worked all day, the master told them "you agreed to work for that amount, so take what belongs to you and don't worry what I do with my money. It is mine and I will do with as I please.  

Well, the older I get, the more I realize I wasted years not working in my Lord's vineyard. I idled my time away doing foolish things, and got sidetracked a lot, and often worried too much about earthly pay and earthly rewards.   And while I admit I have at times been jealous of someone who worked fewer hours and received better pay or more recognition, I am ever so grateful and thankful that I will receive the same pay, the same salvation, and the same reward despite doing nothing to earn it. Jesus paid the entire price, He took all the pain, and we get to share in the glory.  As for the laborers in God's kingdom?  Whether we are called early or late, praise God we receive equal pay for unequal work.

Brotherly Love

Don't you just love it when you read something really simple, and you are like, "yeah, that's right!  That is so simple! Everyone should be doing it that way!  If the whole world did that, like I do it...ahem....um....cough, cough, what? Me? Oh, I am supposed to do this too?  I thought it applied to everyone else, not me.  I thought I had this Christian stuff down already. What? Brotherly love? But I'm a woman, so wouldn't it be 'sisterly' love? LOL. ha ha....just kidding. You're not laughing, pastor.  Sigh. Okay. Let me read it again. I'll pay attention this time."

That is how I felt tonight at evening service. We had choir practice, and then we started right into our little short evening service, and did prayer requests and such, sang a couple of hymns of worship, and then Andy read two little verses out of Hebrews--two verses! I mean, what could be so consequential about two verses, 19 words really.

     Let brotherly love continue.  Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers,  for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. (Hebrews 13:1-2)

Okay, first of all, I've got to be honest (it is sort of a requirement to be honest, especially when you have a Bible open under your feet). I sometimes do not even let brotherly love start, let alone let it continue. At least not for everyone. Sometimes I just show that brotherly love towards people I like, or people I agree with, or people who believe the same way I do. It's easier like that. But I am fairly certain that is NOT what Paul (or Christ or the Holy Spirit or even my pastor) meant.   

Second, that hospitality toward strangers? Does He mean inviting people I don't know to my house? So they will know where I live? And see what I have? What if the strangers think I am just trying to impress them? What if they come back and rob me? What if I embarrass them? What if I embarrass myself? What if I cook something they are allergic to? What if they're vegans? Or diabetics? How do I invite these people? On Facebook? Phone? On the street? Text? Is there a dress code? See? These are the crazy things, aka excuses, that go through my mind. My mind is a complex, frightening thing...

So, homework this week is brotherly love towards all, and show hospitality to someone I don't know. Reflect the love of Christ

I am going to bed. I need a good night's sleep.

Losing heart

I am beyond exhausted. Not physically--well, not most of the time, anyway. But emotionally and spiritually drained. And no, I promise I will spare you the litany of the craziness and trials and sorrows we have struggled through over the past 18 months. I just begin to feel as if "things" are getting back to some semblance of normalcy, and then, from seemingly out of nowhere, BAM!  I am knocked flat on my butt. Left shaking my head and wondering what hit me. Figuratively, of course. It is as if I am in a spiritual knock down, drag out fight, a fight that has been going on for months.  

I had all kinds of excuses and reasons for this extreme state of exhaustion. And not all are "bad" either--it has just been a very, very busy year. There is the election, and now the post-election protests; forest fires burning practically over the next mountain, and no rain; friends' legal troubles and health concerns, Alex's gout attacks, all our children and grandchildren living so far away, and on top of it all, the alarming amount of hate and animosity being spewed out at fellow human beings on something so laughingly called "social" media.   Yup, these all seemed extremely plausible to me. I am extremely comfortable to wrap myself up in the mantle of these nice, cozy, convenient excuses to be, and to remain (and complain about being) exhausted.

Yes, I have been losing heart. And I have been trying to quench my thirst with whatever I can find that's convenient, and satisfy my hunger with whatever is easiest to fix or fast to eat. As for boredom, or relaxation, heck, we have the internet, wifi, smart phones, music, volunteer work, gardening, housework, and knitting. I have essential oils and can get a pedicure and maybe even a massage, or I can go for a walk in the woods. Yeah, that will do the trick, right?

Wrong. I am losing heart because, as God gently pointed out this morning, I am trying to get refreshment from earthly sources. I am embarrassed to say there are many days I check my phone before I say good morning to the Lord, or check my FaceBook notifications before I even read one verse of Scripture, and eat breakfast before I even thank God for the day! So, is it any wonder I have run out of steam, have no energy, or am losing heart?  

Praise the Lord, though, as Paul said, "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." 2 Cor 4:16-17

Re-new. New again. Day by day. I must resolve to do better, to put aside foolish, temporary things that do not renew me or refresh me -- at least until after I say good morning to my Creator, and spend some time in His Word, to listen quietly to Him. Because I find that when I start my day like that, I am so much less exhausted, and I have so much more energy to glorify Him in all I do.

Which is the idea anyway.

Rubbing salt in the wound

Last year I tried for three months to get my two sisters to help me with my elderly mom's care--financially, emotionally, whatever way they could. They could not, would not, Sam-I-am-I-do-not-like-green-eggs-and-ham, help out in any way.  One wanted nothing to do with her (said Mom needed 24/7 nursing care), and the other said she was through caring for Mom, and would not ever involve herself with that craziness again...that whatever I decided was "fine with her."  So, we moved her here, she got sick, then sicker, etc., etc., home healthcare, then into a nursing home, hospital, geropsychiatric unit, etc., etc., guardianship hearing. Months of pleas for help (crickets), emails and texts asking for financial assistance (silence), snail mail letter updating them on her status and asking if they wanted her dog, her belongings, or if they could help in any way, shape or form. Nada, nothing, zip.  One sister would sneak out here to Brevard when she knew we were out of town, and finally conspired with the other sister to bust Mom out of the nursing home.  They filed criminal charges against me. Dropped, unfounded. Harassed me for months.  Cyber-bullied. Sent false accusations to local businesses. Convinced my parents and nieces and nephews I made it all up, that I stole Mom's money, her dog, her things, that Mom is perfectly fine, no problem at all.

But worse than that? These same siblings who repeatedly refused to help me, who told me they did not have the time, the inclination, the heart, or the desire to assume Mom's care, who left it all up to me and my husband, who brushed off their hands and did not give us one red cent or, more importantly, one shoulder to lean on for 15 months of hell, all of the sudden are sharing care of said mother. One sister actually just left for overseas this past weekend, for six weeks, and the other sister flew up TO Nashville to BRING Mom back to Florida WITH her.  The sister who actually said "I was forced to take care of her and I will never be put in that position ever again."  And, to rub salt in the wound, my parents are flying down to see my sister in December to "help her out" after she has a minor knee procedure.  And she has friends and three grown children she can fly down for free. Really? My parents?  Who not only did not come out and see me after Mom was transferred to a nursing home, they did not want to even hear me vent about all the issues i was having...even though Alex's parents were critically ill, and I was all alone, and needed someone to talk to, to lean on. They just told me "Everyone has problems" The same parents who refused to "take sides" but knew all along my sister was planning on moving my mom out of the facility? Even though I had POA? That both sisters were working against me?  

Poor little me.  (Warning:  Metaphor avalanche ahead). I have been slapped in the face. Had the scab ripped off the wound and salt poured and rubbed in it, then lemon juice poured on it for good measure. I've turned the other cheek. People tell me to let it go.  To drop it.  To move on. To be a peacemaker. How can I when I keep getting sand kicked in my face?  I just think it is safe to go back into the damn water, and then BAM!, a shark sidles up and bites a big chunk out of my self esteem, my faith, my trust in the Lord. I am not deluding myself either...I am fully aware there are folks out there who have far worse things to deal with than a couple of Benedict Arnold sisters. In fact, I go to church with several wonderful people who are dealing with situations that would knock the breath out of many of you.  

Then it hits me. "But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."  (Matt 5:39)  I am being completely selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed, when I should be Christ-focused, Christ-centered, and Christ-absorbed. Okay, yeah, I know, that last one is a stretch, but it's my blog, not yours. I am seeking to be understood, instead of seeking to understand. Seeking to be accepted, not seeking to accept others. Trying to get others to see my way, instead of seeing their point of view. And most importantly, I have been forgetting that all of us are created in the image of our God--not just me, not just the people I like, or the nice people, or the folks who agree with me, or vote like me, or believe the same as me. But all people. And I am commanded by He who created me to love everyone. My neighbors  My friends. My family. My enemies. Everyone.Whether they believe me or not. Whether they like me or not. Period.  

He didn't say it would be easy.

God's pathway never is.  

Election year dilemma

Everyone has an opinion about how I should vote this year--neighbors, family, acquaintances, FaceBook "friends," the Gospel Coalition, Franklin Graham, Warren Buffet, and my local paper. People are sharing their viewpoints-- some gently, and some not so gently. And while internet and FaceBook hoaxes are not new, this election has certainly spawned some very creative ones: fake quotes, fake violence, nonexistent endorsements, and my favorite ones so far--"Obama signs an EO banning the Pledge of Allegiance in schools" and "3 critically injured after Trump supporter sets mosque on fire." Seriously. People believe this stuff. Neighbors post signs to display candidates they support, only to find those signs defaced or stolen within hours. My darling 80-year old neighbor had all his signs covered with opposition party signs, and his Trump sign ripped off the chain! And in quiet little Asheville, a local rally held by women resulted in a shoving match. Between women. I am being inundated with rhetoric, satire, jokes, breaking news, and old news, SNL, late night and TV talk shows, cable "news", FaceBook, pop-up ads, spam, bumper stickers--it's everywhere, it's relentless, it's exhausting, and it's not helpful. At all. 

Debate moderators are a joke--they argue more with the candidates than the candidates argue with each other. The issues, if there ever were any, are buried under the stinking, rotting pile of name-calling, character assassination, Wikileaks, vulgar videotaped conversations, and the ever-present, never-objective sensationalism-seeking entertainers who laughingly call themselves journalists. The candidates talk more about how the other candidate is worse than they do about themselves or their platform. Hell, does anyone even have a platform any more?They have FaceBook and Twitter and Instagram, yeah. But where do they really stand on the issues? Will they raise my taxes? Can I find a job? How do I afford healthcare? What about the rise in terrorism? What are you going to do to make our country safer? Is Russia going to start a nuclear war? What are your plans to fix our failing education system? What about racism? Those are the questions I want answered. I do not care a whit about deleted emails on Hillary's private server--really, I do not. And I don't give a rat's ass about what Trump said as he was bragging to that jerk Billy Bush. I am sick to death of Trump-ites repeating whatever litanies they are fed by Wikileaks or the media on Clinton's emails, Benghazi, or her husband's sexual escapades. As for much of the hypocritical public shaking their heads and their fingers at Trump's vulgarities, they sit in their living rooms and ogle scantily clad bodies on Dancing with the Stars, and watch Bachelors and Bachelorettes grope multiple prospective future mates on camera, or watch episodes of "insert your favorite TV show here" that have steamy, soft porn scenes and tawdry jokes and groping--on prime time TV, on practically any channel, any time of day. So please, quit telling me that you know best. I don't need anyone writing to me, or imploring me and other "sisters in Christ" to not "deceive myself" about Trump's true identity. I am not stupid. Or uninformed. I am just overhwlemed with the hypocrisy of it all--the media, the lack of true competition, the lack of readily available information, and the preponderance of misinformation that is drowning out or hiding or disguising the truth. 

So how am I to decide? Follow the herd mentality and vote down the party line? Vote the way "respected" Christian leaders are telling me to vote? Do I have to vote? Am I voting for something? Or against something? Why do we know so little about third party candidates? Do they have a chance? Does my vote really matter? Does this election really matter? "Vote your conscience." "A vote for Trump is a vote against Hillary." "Vote the lesser of two evils." "Your vote determines the future of your grandchildren." "Make America Great Again." "Stronger Together." One promises to shatter the Washington bureaucracy and shake things up. Another vies to be the first woman president of the US. Neither of them appear to be fit for office. In a country of over 300 million people, these are the only choices we have next month. I do not yet know how I will check the boxes on November 8th. Or what the outcomes will be. Or if it will matter. 

But of one thing I am sure. On November 9th, God will still be God. He already knows what I will choose. And whoever wins, He will use the person and that party for His glory, for His purpose, for His will. God is not a Democrat, or a Republican, or a man, or a woman. He does not scratch his head or raise his eyebrow at the events that have gone on, are going on, or will go on. None of this surprises Him. 

And in that, I find comfort.