Brothers and Sisters

I am sitting here trying to think of clever, witty, and insightful things to say about taking care of aging parents, but all I really want to do is cry and then sleep. We are in the middle of a perfect storm right now...Alex is down in Florida (again) and he and his brother are dealing with life changing decisions for their parents, both of whom are currently in rehab facilities. Here in North Carolina, I am dealing with the same issues for my mom, sans the sibling support from my two sisters. I hear it from everyone who has gone through this, is dealing with it now, or is in the eldercare field--it is "normal" for one sibling to take on most of the responsibility. But just because it is "normal" does not mean it is easy. Or right. Nor does it make it more palatable.

Alex and I have seen the inevitable on the horizon for our respective parents for years now, and have gone through the process of denial, anger, rejection, and acceptance.  We moved my mom here to try (again) to get her a quality of life with safety and health, knowing full well this move was merely a stepping stone to 24/7 care in a licensed skilled nursing facility. I knew mom would be a handful, not just physically but mentally. Dealing with her caustic comments and passive aggressive communication has never been easy, but add ostomy care and frequent falls and you have the recipe for disaster. I also knew that, at some point, we would have to transition Mom to that facility. I just didn't realize how soon. Less than six months after moving her here, caring for her has become impossible for me. Frequent falls, refusal to eat, confusion, staying in bed 18 hours a day, limited mobility, dizziness, poor hygiene, verbal abuse, to name a few, made it painfully obvious something had to give. Either my sanity, or her living here. God took that decision out of my hands, thankfully, but that doesn't mean it is easy to live with.

I feel guilty, overwhelmed, overloaded, alone, and abandoned. Alex is overloaded with his own parental issues, and dumping my worries on him only makes his life harder. His brother calls me and texts me, and thanks me constantly for sending Alex there. They talk, they discuss options, they are on the same page. I am jealous of that. My sisters are not here for me. They are resentful, accusatory, hateful, and mean. I am not surprised. But I am saddened. My sisters may be my siblings, we share the same parents, but we do not share the same values or sense of duty.

But God in His wisdom knew all this would happen, before I was even born. He placed us here, led us to Cornerstone PCA Church, urged me to volunteer at a local store, put other women in my life to be my sisters who have different parents, and I count on them for the emotional and spiritual support lacking from my own sisters.  Marianna, June, Melissa, Andrea, Christina, Denise, Brandy--I lean on these women and gain strength from their strength, encouragement from their words and actions. They support me, help me with my decisions, pray with me and for me.