Talking to the wall

We have all experienced the sheer frustration of trying to explain ourselves or a situation to someone who just does not get it.  We try and try and get nowhere, only more frustrated. And it is ESPECIALLY irritating when we are trying to talk to those who have known us the longest, who think they know us the best: Family.  Like I said previously. Ties that bind. And sometimes gag. Folks that think they know us the best (namely parents and siblings) see us through the lenses of the past, sometimes rose colored, but more often than not, some other unflattering color, like grey or brown. Or a sickly green.  

Especially when we become changed by God's grace, and are being sanctified. Past wrongs and hurts and faults are seen as blemishes and scars never to be removed.  Despite us being made a new creation, to those we grew up with, we are the same old selfish, mean, shy, bossy, childish, overbearing person we were decades before.  And in some ways, we contribute to that perception by expecting a less than supportive reaction. (Even if we are right)

My mom has to be moved to a skilled nursing facility when she leaves the hospital this week. She has been living here, but her health and spirit are declining quickly. She is no longer safe here. Her doctor filled out the form last week, and I took all the appropriate steps to get her Medicaid and pay her bills.  Found a room for her at a nice facility nearby.  Talked to friends. Prayed.  Prayed some more. Tried to figure out how to get her there. Prayed some more. Then it was (thankfully) taken out of my hands. Actually I gave it back to the Hands that created the earth. He can handle it. 

I'm heating up Mom's dinner Friday night, blissfully ignorant to what is going to happen in the next 30 seconds. BAM! Down she goes. Out for the count. Blood. Calling 911. Holding her down until the paramedics arrive. Calling the dispatcher back because I am downstairs and they are banging on the door upstairs and won't come in the house. Twelve emergency workers in my basement. They take over. Under God's guidance. Even something as scary as a fall and calling 911 to your house works out according to God's plan. Because when she got to the ER, that is when the doctors found her kidney and heart problems.  And confirmed what the nurses have been saying all along. She needs 24/7 care. Now she will just be transferred to the nursing home. Where she will live out the rest of her days. Hopefully in peace and dignity and without further stress.  

So I called my family-- my two sisters and my dad and stepmom. I was not going to because I knew the reaction I would get.  I got it 7 years ago when Alex and I tried to intervene in Mom's care. I was foolhardy, silly, a glutton for punishment. One sister actually swooped in to "rescue" Mom, undoing any and all progress we had made. Anyway, I was not surprised when tonight turned out as it did.  Mean words and accusations and anger thrown at me. Me in tears. Unable to counter their accusations. They hear but do not listen.  One sister refuses to believe any of it.  My parents insist they have been nothing but supportive, even though they put conditions on it. My other sister only wants to talk about her problems, or how hard she had it that year when Mom lived near her.  

We find ourselves right now going through a lot of trials, but these trials are so light, so easy to bear, because of Christ's sacrifice, the Father's guidance in His Word, and the encouragement of the Holy Spirit. For months we have been incredulous that folks we've known for only a few years, or even a few months, are praying for us, pulling for us, supporting us, while some who have known us for a lifetime keep us at a distance, or completely shut us out, refusing to understand. Not even praying. Or even listening for that matter.  

Because they cannot. They have eyes that do not see, and ears that do not hear.  They are not worse than me and I am not better than them. But we speak a different language. Even Solomon couldn't get through to the people, for "the words of the wise are as goads, and as nails firmly fixed are the collected sayings," (Ecc 12:11).  

So I am left talking to the wall, my words falling on deaf ears, getting nothing but crickets.  

I give up. I am going to talk to folks who listen, and to Someone who always, yes ALWAYS hears me and knows what I mean, if without me uttering a word.  

"The end of the matter, all has been heard. Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."  Eccl 12:13