Surgery after 80

Mom has had her share of surgeries...in fact, I believe she has spent more days in the hospital, at a doctor's office, enroute to/from a doctor or hospital, or at a pharmacy than she has spent doing anything else. Seriously. Loads of back surgeries. At least three bowel surgeries.  Gall bladder removal.  Polio.  Bunion and cataract removal. Appendectomy. Hysterectomy. Labor and delivery five times. Ileostomy. Varicose vein repair. Countless ER visits for infections, falls, and car accidents. So it came as no surprise when she demanded repair of her abdominal hernia. I agree with her, though...that thing was huge! Grapefruit sized bulge of intestine coming through her abdominal wall. Painful. Causing all kinds of problems with her stoma, not the least of which was a leaking ostomy bag. So, mid November she was admitted for what is NORMALLY outpatient surgery. Wisely, her surgeon admitted her, ostensibly for "a couple of days."  "A couple of days" is medical jargon for "until we finally give up trying to make an 88 year old woman feel like a 28 year old woman."

My first inclination that something was not going to go well was when the pre-op nurse nonchalantly informed us that protocol has changed for bowel surgery. Now, instead of waiting for the bowels to wake up and give a patient solid food, hospitals now give solid food to wake up the bowels. Um, isn't that like giving a cheeseburger to a 6-month old baby? Or a steak to someone in a coma? Well, we were assured there would be no problems. Pre-op at 8 am, surgery at 0900, recovery room from 1000-noon, and by 4 pm, the nurse decided my mom was well enough for meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Never you mind that she was still loopy from general anesthesia, and her ostomy bag was empty. Yep, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.  This is how Mom ended up in the hospital for ten days instead of two. On IV fluids, IV narcotics for pain, and nothing by mouth for 7 days, unable to pee or walk. With a tube down her nose into her stomach to relieve the gas and obstruction caused by a giant lump of meatloaf. All the while the medical staff is haranguing her to walk, to move, to get up...how? She was connected to tubes in four different places!  And, remember, she is arthritic and 88 years old, and needs to use a walker on her GOOD days! 

My sister Mary Beth came to be with her the day of surgery and spent the night at the hospital two nights straight. After she went home, I was at the hospital with her more often than not, and didn't really trust the staff to know what Mom needed, so I was a vigilant patient advocate. Bribed, cajoled, and coddled her to get her to move, to smile, to get out of bed, even bringing in her little dog, Benji, to cheer her up. By the tenth day, I was ready to bust her outta there, so they discharged her. 

Now we begin the long, arduous journey towards convalescing. No more hernia, but she is now re-addicted to oxycodone. Thanks, medical community!